llowed me everywhere,

s a dif

portant d

s you a

s you look sli

se I was the

d carpets, interviews, designer dresses, and private jets,

't kno

st k

me. A place where I could become someone else, make people laugh, make them cry, an

that place

w up wanting to

to becom

to become

ted t

to act badly enough to emb

inary afternoon into an unexpected theatrical production. They never purchased ticke

s no esc

the k

the liv

the middle o

in the middle

oom, I became a tragic heroine su

y vegetables, I became an act

ould dramatically walk away and pre

nd the perfectly timed departure. Sometimes, I even pau

nally,

king whether I had fi

ren't an

thought th

the fun

, invent an audience from an empty room, and deliver

would have been a millionaire bef

r acting lessons or convince a casting di

ed those inconven

, my imaginati

as really would fo

n, I had to

e mirror one afternoon, holding a

one of my mo

ar too b

s swallowe

ragged acros

d absolutel

ove

omen whose names appeared in magazines and whose appea

eed the ac

d the f

d plenty

hin, and arranged my face into what I

e face of a child who had sw

I was c

or coming," I sa

aus

ugh television to understand that a good s

I s

een a lon

or and pretended to walk to

ve done this w

top

ng was

e personal. It needed to acknowledge t

red the most o

ally my

ward the be

was stan

hing

fr

sed an

you tal

owered the

on

e you t

bod

st than

rehea

r w

ght ab

fut

tared

mil

er head and

ntil she d

d back towar

, Mom," I

cont

l before Jenna Russel

dence, and absolutely no understanding of how di

acting w

rned yo

in front o

ked bea

e cla

u becam

a

fully

etely

waiting rooms. I didn't know about directors who said no, dir

ventually become one

call

most ne

ed that, I had to dis

it felt like to stand i

imagina

eal

rtunity came

s yo

ugh to be

o think I kn

dangerous c

to that first set and

e lights

cam

ng around wi

p art

lis

nici

to

ect

o know exactly wh

ne exc

in my head. The real one was filled with movement, noise, an

trying not to l

look like

e carrying a large

out of

houted something

else sho

t turn

r turn

ne ye

t on

om suddenly b

tar

was

mo

agined in front of

I had drea

a was rig

it

or looke

en

odd

es

rea

allo

utely

es

smi

ght

ghts c

started

tly what I wanted. I had imagined this moment so many times t

on had neglected to p

mer

amera

straigh

wanted to show them that I wasn't just anot

ed to

to be b

ook at me and think he had

ords I had wait

tio

t like

got m

ple

o

ish

y resigned from its po

ed for t

th

remember th

th

ing the line would

did

rector

ra kept

behind i

ed ner

ctor fin

ut

sed m

h

to be harder

, I had managed to demonstrate how quickly a hu

asn't for me. I could have decided that my ta

sn't emb

re

embarrassment, someth

I couldn

at camera poi

lt a

nted to stand in front of the camera, tell stories, become chara

ar was

the exc

he excitement

as the mom

going t

e I was al

asn

knew I would

idn

se I understood what I

t have

knew on

to do i

t the directo

do tha

lau

init

odd

me, I w

t le

ught

ts came

mera r

n the first nervous

Russel