PTE

the night the salt

the harbor always smelled like diesel and fish and the soup Mama made on Sundays. But that Ja

n. I wasn't sup

e hole in the left toe. The floor was freezing. Behind me

just a crack. Yellow light sp

ip

e it came from far away, even thou

wasn't doi

baby. C

door open wit

Her blond hair had gone thin and dull, and somebody had braided it so

as a cough and a fever. Then the doctor started coming to the house, a

as nine. They said things like "she n

d anyway. Ki

h me," M

lled like lavender and a little like soup. She smil

cold?"

lit

blanket. The one

patted the mattress. "First, will you d

r glass, and a framed picture of the three of us on Dad's b

na on top, with a chipped pink dress and one arm raised. When you woun

play with it. She

t here,"

th both hands, like

okay to

ght i

the key. One click. Two. Three. Then she set it on th

it a hundred times. But that night it sounded d

st part. She always stopped in the same spot, right w

"Why don't you e

I never l

as the

d behind her eyes. It was like watching someone wa

id, "someone I loved used

ho

osed her eyes for a second, and whe

ing. You won't understand it yet.

ka

whole heart, not

so hard. I even

d. Her skin was

who would have loved

"What does

up at your door with too many presents and too much food." She gave a tiny l

," I said. "

ers. "But he's quiet. And I'm quiet. And I chose quiet

than

loud people telling you who to be." Her voice wobbled. "I hope that was the rig

ge. Like when you mis

I don't

. That'

ou mad

her free arm. She was so thin I could feel her rib

member thinking that sorry was a heavy word. I

down. The tune got st

ed it into

she said. "

romi

nyone take i

ould t

fted toward the window, where t

am

"When you're sad. Or when you're scared. It

not s

per." She smiled. Then she tou

sed my eyes and leaned into it, and for a se

hen I he

d heavy, thump, thump, thump, and not like his normal w

cked through the door.

d Mama was humming along with it. J

spot where she

he st

kept going, and her v

am

n my cheek. For one

it wa

mber a lot of noise and a lot of light. I remember a woman I didn't k

held that music box so har

aid keep it! She said do

theart," the woman said.

body alr

ld me what to do, so I sat down on the cold floor in my socks wit

ed playing, and I was afraid that if I tur

ust he

r the door and sat in my nose. I stayed there, still as

myself a deal. I made it in m

d, maybe nobody

I help. If I neve

ody else

the harbor. I was still there. My

foun

er. His face was swollen and red. He looked

was a scrape. "Pumpkin. You'

safe," I

sic box. Something

nd held me against his scratchy sweater. He smelled like salt a

l like a secret rule. I never told anyone what Mama said that night, about loud love

sic box for the first time in years. And my thumbnai

atched into the wo

wasn't my father's. And

Mama carry it to her grave wi