a Rob

tracing cold pat

y t

full breath. The edges of my vision swim, an

fé across the street, and then gone back to find out wh

ch

nd, a voice in my head insists, as if saying

f to call him, to demand an explanation-not now, when I ca

ks past my lips, and I squeeze my eyes shut, unable t

fertility appointments, of crying in secret because I co

d in my stomach that one day this would all end, only to wake hours

. Everything turned to ash. M

l out my phone. I find my hus

d rings, th

hest, but I tell myself it's jus

the last message he sent me

life without you. Tonight we'll cele

lows me whole. It wasn't even a real anniversary.

nths. That's how lon

rd for a second too long before

you. Where are you? I can't

n my ears. My hands tremble as I stare at the s

no response. Then I look up and see a car

t as I see the man I love get

I lower my gaze and

'm in the middle of something important.

efore, now I know it's been ground

you lyin

sper, the disappointment so

one look at her face tells me e

d shaking, and takes a long sip from the gl

er. "Shane was arriving just as I was leaving. I saw him ho

s my back. I close my eyes and let the w

started so wonderfu

going to do?"

nd a complete blank. I

it for him there. Aurora will tell he I know. He

she wants to argue. I can almost read the words

l him about y

ke my

I'm still holding on to this tiny, stup

up

know

way all the love, all the dev

ore I decide what to do. If this ends my marriage, then

vy

ated on me, if he asked Abigail to have h

act acco

pty and silent.

t arriving to an empty house feel

the same way again? This house w

impos

and pour a glass of water. My throat

living room and wait. Phone in hand, I watch two hours p

y contacts, the affectionate nickname I saved him under.

mail. I'm not surprised, but an

it's not Shane. He has a key, and I doubt knoc

wave of dizziness to pass befo

a briefcase, and the usual friendly warmth on his

ur husband's request." His ton

nod numbly. I know, with a sickening certa

ow him into the living room. He sits on

site him, my mind reeling, no

oing on?" I ask, watching him pul

me over his glasses with a flic

divorce agree

have given out. My ears start to ring. My

u repea

e. Shane wouldn't do th

any emotion. "And as his legal representative, I am present

tark contrast to my own, which is trembling violently. I tak

Why isn't he facing m

to attend to," the lawyer says dismiss

, he's made it brutally clear how little I matter to the

rastically? When?

rds swim on the first page. My

, and the only thing he's offering me in this agr

capes me. I can

t on the street without so much as an explanation? To have the ring

liat

awyer. He holds out a small cardboard

es as I take

each for the pen. I find the signature lin

feels like I'm signing

rything we could have been, e

e didn't have the ball