Things didn't exactly get better when I hit adolescence and my body began changing
At first, I actually loved it. I liked the way my body was developing. I thought I looked good.
But apparently, looking good wasn't enough.
When your body doesn't fit society's standards, people have a way of putting you into a category.
This time, I was placed in the mocking category.
And somehow, people actually started believing that I ate humans.
That was apparently the only explanation they could come up with for why I was getting so fat.
But who am I to complain? At least I wasn't the kid next door who was getting bullied, right?
I know I'm narrating too much, but I wanted you to understand where the hell all of this began.
Because when not one, not two, not three, but four of the most popular guys in an elite university, guys who fit perfectly into society's standards, start making a move on you, you might think, Maybe, after all the shit I've had to endure, I'm finally getting a romantic love life.
But no.
No, no, no, no.
This is reality.
And when society has already put you in a box, you can try to delude yourself all you want, but reality always hits hard.
How, you may ask?
Well...
It all began this morning.
I was on lecture hall duty, so I came in earlier than usual. The hall was empty, and the board looked like it had been left on display for whoever walked in first.
DARE TO DATE THE CURVY GIRL.
Underneath: the rules. Whoever sleeps with her or dates her, wins.
And under that, four names.
Of course I knew every single one.
Bryan. Calm, collected, and annoyingly brilliant. The first-class student of the entire university. He never raised his voice because he never had to. He was a genius
Then the twins, Kai and Cruz. Popular doesn't even cover it.
Cruz was the stylish, outgoing one. He could walk into a room and suddenly it was a party.
Kai on the other hand was the athletic superstar. Football, basketball, track, name a sport and he was better than you at it. Trophies found him. So did the crowd.
And last, Justin.
Loud. Playful. An obvious jerk.
He was the kind of boy who turned everything into a joke, and because he was so easygoing about it, people called it charm.
But let's be honest. They only let it slide because of his face.
Strikingly handsome. Carved like someone had taken their time with him. When a boy looks like that, "jerk" becomes "confident," and "rude" becomes "funny."
My fingers clenched around the eraser as I wiped the board clean. The least they could have done was hide the evidence.
But I was trying my best to convince myself this had nothing to do with me. Fat was the word people used for me. Maybe "curvy" was meant for someone else.
I was invisible to these boys. I wasn't even sure any of them knew my name. A dare with me on it had to be a mistake.
I held onto that thought right up until the lecture started.
Everyone was watching the lecturer when I felt it, the weight of someone's eyes. I glanced up and caught Cruz looking straight at me.
Then I noticed the folded paper moving between them, hand to hand, desk to desk. They were talking without saying a word.
Kai didn't look interested in whatever Cruz wanted. Bryan passed the paper along without a glance and went back to his book.
And then it landed on Justin's desk.
A slow grin curved across his lips. His eyes lifted and found mine.
Hi.
He didn't say it out loud. His mouth just shaped the word.
I turned away so fast my neck almost cracked.
My face was burning, and I hated that a stupid part of me had thought, He looked at me.
Then the memory of the board caught up. It's a dare. You're a bet.
I stared at the lecturer and pretended to take notes. The words on the page were just shapes. Somewhere behind me, someone laughed under their breath, and I couldn't tell if it was about me. When every whisper and comment around you ends in laughter, you get self-conscious about every joke.
I tried my best to make myself small, which is hard when you're built like me and everyone already knows where you are.
The lecture finally ended, like a rescue.
I shoved my books into my bag and got out of my seat before anyone else moved. Head down, eyes on the floor. I almost made it to the door.
Almost.
A hand slapped flat against the doorframe, right in front of me.
I didn't have to look up to know whose it was. There was only one person who always made sure his tie hung loose. The faint clink of his necklace gave him away before he ever spoke.
"You're in a hurry," Justin said.
I finally looked up. Golden hair, messy but somehow looked perfect on him.
Just like that, every eye in the room found us.
"Dude, chill." Another voice, closer. Cruz strolled up beside him, blowing a bubble that popped right on cue. Then came Kai, silent and looming. Then Bryan, book tucked under his arm, watching everything like it was an experiment.
All four of them. Standing in front of me. In the middle of the lecture hall, with half the university still packing up.
My eyes slid past their shoulders, searching for the door, for any gap I could squeeze through. There wasn't one.
I'd been invisible my whole life. Funny how the one time I wanted it most, everyone could see me.
"Trix, right?" Kai said.
It was the first time I'd heard his voice up close. Deep slightly rough
"We're throwing a party this weekend," he went on. "Why don't you come around?"
A party. From the same four boys whose names were on that board.
I looked from one face to the next, waiting for someone to crack.
Even if this was a dare, they wouldn't really want me around them. Not where everyone could see.