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   Chapter 41 He was so special

Rent a Christian boyfriend By Antonette Liebermann Characters: 10679

Updated: 2019-04-04 22:50


Why did it feel like my life was falling apart? Was it. Maybe this was the beginning of something good. Something great, something that will change my life forever. There were five things I had learnt during the past two and a half months with Eric or just from being with Eric.

1. Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean they're obligated to love you back.

2. You don't plan, never plan, live as the day goes by. You're in control but never fully in control of your fate.

3. Unplanned pregnancies are not always dreadful, if you have the right support system.

4. You can't and cannot choose who you want to fall in-love with. It's as if your heart has a mind of its own, you just follow the way as it leads.

5. Pushing someone away is harder than it seems. It's true what they say, if you love something set it free..

After puking my guts out for the second time this morning, I looked at myself as I brushed my teeth on the mirror. This is really my life? This is really me. I'm going to raise this child alone while the father runs off with his true love, the love of his life. There were nights where, I just wanted to cry and I did. I seemingly cried easily these days. I wasn't crying about Starbucks, I just got mixed emotions and it all comes together and I end up crying and straining a topic that isn't worth crying for. It just all dawns on me that, this is the last time, I will see his face. When he smiles, I want to wail because I really don't want him to go. When he touches me it's even worse, I feel the tears stinging right at the corner of my eyes and I quickly tell him to not touch me or to go away. My whole body stiffens. I hate when he envelopes me from behind, I feel so safe and I never want him to let me go but I can't get used to that. I can't get used to anything but being alone and being okay with it.

Seven weeks.

That's how long I am.

I think about it all the time, I slept with Eric the first week he arrived here. It was a Saturday, I perfectly remember because the next day we had to go to church and if it wasn't for Laura. We would have had sex in church. We also had sex that morning in the shower. One thing I do remember is him convincing me to come back to bed with him and I did. In those moments it's not like all we did was sleep, we went at it again and protection was the farthest thing from our thoughts. Eric had managed to make me feel how good sex was supposed to feel. I finally knew the pleasure unlike when I was with Robbie, I guess it all topped up and I wanted him all the time, without a doubt, without a care or worry about anything other than him just making me feel as good as he had.

Then we had sex at my father's gala, at the hotel on the balcony. Then that night at the beach, over and over again. I went on top because I told him I hated the sand in my hair. The second time we laid his tuxedo blazer down and the third time.. I really don't remember but there was a third time. The next morning he bought me the pill, that's one thing I was scared of. I joked that day asking what if I'm already pregnant and as if fate wants to play games with me. I already was pregnant and I had the pill. On my

s more soft now, he reads more than he goes out.. thanks to my mom's shelves of novels that she has in her reading room. My dad made her a reading room when I was ten years old. It was a birthday present, he went all out and had them make it sound proof. She just loves reading, if she isn't cooking and baking. I really want to have sex with Eric so badly, sometimes when he is talking or laughing.. I just look at his hand gestures. The way his collarbone lifts when he is making hand gestures or laughing. The way his hair has grown curlier and I just want to run my fingers through it. The way his skinny jeans don't hide how loaded he is. How gifted he is. The way his tattoos are always visible throughout most of his white shirts. The veins that pop up on his neck and his hands. The way his eyes always find mine in a room full of people. The way he clenches his jaw but most importantly the way he smiles. He has the brightest smile and most perfect teeth, I have some sort of pride in knowing my child with inherit all that.

After the party, on the 5th, we will go on a little road trip. I know i probably make this trip horrible by demanding snacks and puking everywhere but I have mastered the art of suppressing it all and yes, my doctor gave me something for that. I will also buy all the snacks and everything before I go there. I can't wait till he see's that he is going to see the neighborhood live. I see the way he hums to their songs when he is distracted or the way, he abruptly sings it in the supermarket and does these stupid dance moves when they come on radio while we're shopping. When I pass by the guest room at three am thinking he is asleep but I can hear it playing. I just want him to be happy. I have finally felt the love where I don't care about anything as long as he is happy then I'm fulfilled.

Simple math.

-

7 weeks

Nausea.

Morning sickness may be going strong at week 7 of pregnancy, they likely have heightened levels of the hormones that cause morning sickness. Food cravings and/or aversions. Your baby is the size of a blueberry and has started growing arms and legs.

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