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   Chapter 26 No.26

The Time Saving Agency By Christina Engela Characters: 5691

Updated: 2018-06-29 12:02

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Meanwhile, under a cherebub bush in the yard of the house next door to where a man was reinventing the wheel, two men were hiding. One of them was wearing a low-cut floral dress and somehow reminded the other of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Scrooby didn't have the cleavage for it – not even the socks stuffed into the bra looked convincing. Anyway, in all honesty Gary preferred to look at Cindy-Mei (who might well once have been male – but at least she had the good taste to rectify that small detail before flouncing around like that. And anyway, she had nicer legs.)

Off to the left, a ha-ha bird landed on the lawn and promptly vanished up to its neck in the long grass. 'Ha! Ha!" It cried as it folded its bright orange wings into its bright yellow feathered body, eyeing them with shiny, beady blue eyes. The bird, all of two feet tall, began to pick through the long grass for worms and bugs with its long sharp beak, leaving a trench in its wake. Timing is often strange, and what popped into Gary's mind at this moment was the old joke about how the ha-ha bird got its name – apparently it was the only bird known to be afraid of heights – which is why it is also known as the only bird that can actually shit itself while in full flight. Ha-ha birds were notorious cowards. If they could, they would probably wear helmets. The joke attached to the question of how the Ha-ha bird got its name went something like: Cos it goes 'Ha! Ha! – Fuck, it's high!'

"Well, if you must know, " Scrooby was just explaining, "I'm trying to look like Xyl's ex-girlfriend."

Gary nodded, pretending to understand. "Okay. Now why would you do that? Why would you want to?"

"So I can catch hi

s. All other considerations secondary. He was sure the phrase "kill the fucker dead!" would feature somewhere in bright red letters with klaxons blaring.

"By the time the Agency managed to catch up to him last time, he'd already set himself up as the President for Life on Nimbus two. One day, for fun, he started three wars of ethnic cleansing on two continents. When they finally undid the damage he'd done to their timeline, he was already responsible for the deaths of 90 trillion people on twenty seven different worlds – and over a thousand violations of the Time Code – that's still a standing record, by the way. The Time Code basically only has about 400 edicts – so as you may imagine, that took a lot of doing on the part of Mr. Xyl! In total, it took the Agency twenty-five years to bring him down and get him into the Limbo Practicale the first time – and three non-years in the Buffer to go back and undo it all! If you think Hitler or Stalin were monsters – and I'm not saying they weren't, this guy could triple their scores by teatime tomorrow, strike any time, any place – and do it all over again for an encore!"

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