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   Chapter 22 NO.22

The Player Wants Me?! By Courtney Radford Characters: 9021

Updated: 2018-06-04 20:56


Issabelle POV:

*Trigger Warning*

I didn't get a lot of sleep that night.

Actually, I didn't sleep at all.

My screams for help and the smoke that entered my lungs was the thing that I thought about most.

I could have died.

When I used to think that, a small part of me used to hope I did. I wanted to.

But now, I had Kian. There was no way I wanted to. I wanted to be here for him. I wanted his hugs, and his kisses, I wanted his smiles.

And I was glad I was still alive to witness it all.

But I wasn't enough for him. He deserved better.

I say up in my bed, my eyes were aching and felt sore from all the crying.

I bought my knees to my chest and put my head down.

I needed to calm down.

I heard my phone buzz next to me but I didn't pick it up.

It was 4 in the morning, and Kian was bound to be asleep.

I decided that since I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, so I decided to take a long shower.

I get out of bed, going into the bathroom and turning on the hot water.

I stood under the water and felt numb.

I didn't know why.

I still had my family, friends and an amazing boyfriend.

So why did I feel so depressed?

After staring at the wall for about half an hour, I step out the shower and throw my hair up into a bun. I put in my robe and walked into my bedroom, turning on the lights and sitting at my dressing table.

I just stared at myself. And the more I looked, the more I found to hate. I felt as though I couldn't look away.

It wasn't long before the tears began to spill down my cheeks, as I saw more to hate.

It was 6AM by now and I had to start getting ready for school.

But first, I felt as if I should hurt myself.

I deserved it anyway.

(TRIGGER WARNING. I DON'T SUPPORT SELF HARM IN ANY WAY! IF SENSITIVE PLEASE SKIP!!)

I grabbed my blade that was hidden at the bottom of my wardrobe.

I looked at it, I haven't done this in a long time.

Ever since I met Kian.

I flinched when the cold metal touched my skin.

I watched as the blood oozed from the freshly made cut, watching as it dripping down my arm and onto my legs.

I made 4 more cuts before I threw the blade away.

I couldn't even feel the pain of the cut, all i felt was worthless.

(END OF TRIGGER WARNING!!)

I clean myself up, wiping my tears before piling the make up onto my face.

I made sure you couldn't see the purple bags under my eyes before I began to get dressed.

I put on a grey oversized hoodie with some plain black leggings and some trainers.

My hair was now dry so I brushed it before putting it into a high ponytail.

By the time I had finished getting ready, it was time to leave.

Kian had me

spilling down my cheeks, "you almost killed me in the fire. You messed with me for 2 years" I say and felt my hands shake, "you even told me to kill myself. You left me in a room for 2 days straight with nothing but a knife and told me to kill myself!" I say, not caring about who heard. "So get the fuck away from me. You ruined my life. You ruined everything" I cry before I begin to sob.

I hated them. I hated that they made me hate myself.

"We wanted to show you how much we hate you" Harry shrugs.

"Well, congratulations" I say sarcastically before I begin to clap, the noise echoing, "because you made me hate myself too" I spit harshly.

"Belle" I hear Kian's voice, filled with shock.

His eyes was on my fresh cuts and I wandered how long he had been there.

Harry and Sophia has disappeared. They ran as soon as they noticed Kian.

"I heard all of it" he says simply.

I felt numb as I say on the floor, leaving against the lockers.

Everything was a mess.

"I don't hate you. I'm not planning on breaking up with you, not now, now ever" he promises, crouching down in front of me.

He visibly winced at the cuts that were bound to leave scars.

"Belle" Kian says, he sounded like he was on the verge of crying.

I look up to see tears filled in his eyes.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He asked, a tear rolled down his cheek. "Fuck" he says before wiping the tear.

"You don't deserve this. You deserve to be happy. I thought you were happy Belle" Kian says. I felt bad that I didn't text him.

"I don't deserve to be happy" I say honestly, looking up.

"Yes you do, baby. You deserve all the happiness in the world." He says and I cry.

I just break down.

Kian wraps his arms around me, and whispers, "I'm right here, baby. I always will be"

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