MoboReader> Romance > THE DAZZLING SHADES OF WHITE- A Love Story

   Chapter 18 CHAPTER 17- Depression


Updated: 2018-05-15 10:40

I still couldn't believe that this was happening to me. First my family, then Sophia and now my precious daughter. What have I left now? It's all over for me.

Is this was helplessness feels like? It's like when my family died, this time, I am feeling a despair far more greater than the one that i felt before.

"Khadijah?" Shehzad murmured used softly in my ear and turned my face towards him. His eyes were full of sympathy and pity that it made my eyes well up with tears and I started crying again.

This was all just so unbelievable.

"Khadijah please stop crying. I can't bear to see you like this now. What happened was meant to be. You couldn't have changed it because that's what Allah willed. Our darling Huria is in paradise now. We should be happy." He mentioned.

"It's easy for you to say. You didn't have to carry her inside of you for nine months." I began to choke on my tears. "I finally began to dream. I had forgotten how to dream but with her, I knew that I could have a future. Now everything is ruined. Everything is finished." I cried and clung to his shirt.

"And what's worse, I'm an invalid now. I can't walk anymore. I truly am useless now!" I shrieked. "I'm ugly and I'm hideous. You shouldn't have saved me. You shouldve left me to die!"

"Stop it, khadijah!" He shouted and hugged me tightly. "Hush, please no more." He pleaded, his voice shaken. "Please don't say such things, you are not alone, you are not an invalid. You have me, I will always be by your side." He murmured to me in hopes of cheering me up.

"No. . . . No your not. You will never be by my side. You will abandon me like everyone else. Only she was suppose to be mine. I was sure that she can never leave me but she did. Now I want nothing and no one." I said in despair and released myself from his grasp and sank back into bed and turned away from him. I didn't want to see his face because it would remind me of her. He must've understood and left.

For me though, it can never be the same again.


"After numerous tests, we have determined that with two or three surgeries, physiotherapy and a positive attitude, you are sure to regain the feeling back in your legs. And once your wounds have healed, we can reconstruct them with cosmetic surgery. So your worried are unfounded. You can be rest assured." The doctor told me quiet enthusiastically. I bowed my head.

"I refuse the surgeries." I said bleekly. "Its not like its going to make a difference." I said and turned my face away.

"Khadijah, please, " Shehzad numvled to me but I didn't want to hear it. The doctor cleared his throat and called Shehzad outside the room.

I tried to sit upright as my arms tried to help me but they hurt so much that I fell back into the bed. The nurse carefully helped me up. My body was so stiff and it hurt everywhere. She helped me to get into a wheel chair.

"Take me in front of that mirror." I ordered her. I saw her wince as she began to take me to the bathroom. There was a slim full length mirror placed in front of the mirror.

"Leave me." I demanded. She quickly ran out of the room and closed the door. There was a silence that shrouded the room immediately. I slowly raised my head and stared at myself in the mirror. My bulged open as I stared at the abomination reflected in front of my eyes.

Who was she? This being who is damaged both inside and outside.

She had lost so much weight that made her bones stick out and made her scares and wounds appear more pr

the path in front of me is dark and empty. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Am I to forever live the life of a living corpse?

I was pulled out of my train of thought when I felt the bed move and shift slightly. Shehzad got up from bed and from the sounds that he was making, I deciphered that he was changing his clothes. I heard his steps softly move away and then come towards me. The bed shifted again and I felt the blanket lift from my face and body.

I opened my eyes to see Shehzad on top of me. It was dark but the moonlight filtering through the windows of the room enabled me to see that he was staring at me with ravenous eyes. I could feel his heart beating fast as he pulled in closer to my face and leaned his lips over mine.

It has been so long since I felt this way. His lips softly brushed against mine and his hot breath clashed with my cheeks as his lips moved to my neck. My heart raced and my shivers ran down my spine as his hands touched me so passionately. He began to take my kameez off.

"I wanted you for so long, " he murmured to me and kissed me again. His fingers were soft against my injuries but. . . .

My eyes flew open and I pushed him away from me as all the memories flashed before my eyes and I realized something. "Don't touch me!" I screamed. He looked at me with bewilderment. "Khadijah, I only. . ., "

"No! Stay away from me!" I shrieked.

"Khadijah, it's ok. Can't you see that I still want you? You are my wife and nothing can change that." He said so affectionately that it only made my belief in my realization stronger. But his eyes were so sincere that it ached my heart.

"No, just go away. Leave me alone." I cried. He looked at me with a hurtful expression. There was silence for a couple of seconds until he sighed and lay back into bed. I too jumped back under the covers.

I had realized that it's my entire fault. I'm a bad omen for anyone near me. First my parents were cursed and then my daughter. Everyone around is affected because I came into their lives. Even Sophia could've lived longer if I hadn't met her.

Now, I think that it's Shehzad's turn. If I stay with him then I am destined to be the end of him. He will only suffer if he's with me.

I need to leave him. otherwise, I will only hurt him and make him suffer needlessly.


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