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   Chapter 115 NO.115

MAFIA INDEBTED (Mafia Series 1) By NSH_SHAHEEN Characters: 23101

Updated: 2018-12-13 13:49

As the month passed, Shehryaar noticed how radiant and glowing Anissa had become. He noticed that she smiled a lot. And he was genuinely happy to see her that way: she deserved to be happy after all, he didn't give her any happiness till now. All he ever wanted was to see her smile.

And he wanted to make her happy. She was with him. She stayed with him even though things had gotten so bad between them. And she had given him so much happiness by staying by his side and working hard on their relationship. It was only her hard work and he gave her the sole credit for where they were this day.

"Shehry?!" He was pulled out of his thoughts upon Anissa's shrill voice that called him. He looked up and realised that he had been dazing.

"What do you think of this?" She said and approached him, holding infant sized jumpsuits.

"We can't know the sex of the babies till next month. For now, I was thinking of just buying neutral colours." She claimed. Shehryaar nodded, his mind occupied.

"Sure." He replied in monotone.

Anissa pouted. "Shehry, I want your opinion as well. Remember, we're doing this together." She complained. Shehryaar sighed and absentmindedly picked up random jumpsuits. "These will do."

"Really?" She asked, eying him with doubt. Shehryaar quickly plastered on a fake smile and nodded. "Of course babe." He said.

Anissa grinned cheerfully and squealed in delight. "Alright then." She went ahead to look for more things.

His smile vanished as quickly as it came. Shehryaar passed his fingers through his hair in frustration.

Ever since she announced the news of her pregnancy, she had been making him active. She wanted to engage him in everything that was related to the pregnancy, much to his chagrin.

And he couldn't help but feel uninterested. He didn't want to be here. He had no interest. He was still not accepting this new development. How did she become pregnant? She wasn't supposed to know. He had kept the knowledge of her uterus still intact hidden. He wanted to inquire about it from Dr. Sadia since he knew that she was bound to know but Zameer wouldn't let him. So for the past one month, Shehryaar had been silent. Anissa didn't say anything but of course, it was so obvious that she must've figured out what he did. Then why didn't she confront him about it? Apparently, she had known of her pregnancy for a whole four weeks and didn't announce it to anyone except for Dr. Sadia. Shehryaar had asked her why she kept it hidden from him and her response was that she wanted to come into a safe zone then she wanted to make it public.

She was so happy and excited that she held a whole week of celebration. Her family was called in from Islamabad to celebrate their baby shower. Anissa donated millions in charity and Shehryaar didn't hesitate to give her whatever she wanted.

Seeing her like this, so happy and excited made him feel happy as well.

But his heart. It was hurting. And his pride was dented.

But......just like always, his ego was getting in the way. His feelings were hurt badly and he couldn't ignore the hole in his heart. It hurt him to know that the source of her love was just from a need. And he couldn't help but to think whether she really meant it when she said that she loved him. His doubt and insecurities were getting the best of him and his traumatic past came back to the haunt him.

So his pride kicked in and managed to keep him at bay emotionally so he wouldn't let his emotions get in the way of his logic. He didn't want to handle this with his heart but rather with his mind.

And as usual, his heart was against this decision. His conscience was screaming at him to accept this great news wholeheartedly. But his mixed feelings about the news kept him confused and unresponsive.

His attitude towards the whole situation was cold but in front of Anissa, he pretended to have an interest when in reality, he was trying to figure out his own feelings.

He wanted to care, he wanted to be there for her when she needed him the most like she was. But.....whenever he tried, his memories would interfere and would ruin everything.

His past came back to haunt him: the same past that took him three years with immense effort to bury but all for naught.

And the little amount of trust that he had managed to build in Anissa after such a long time faded. He would remember the day she had stabbed him in the back by siding with the enemy. The look on her face, the hatred in her eyes: they were still fresh in his mind like it had just happened yesterday.

And now, she got what she wanted. He was well aware of her strong desire to have children and the three years that they had spent together made it very clear that Anissa was incomplete and unfulfilled with her motherhood shattered into a million pieces and taken away from her.

For the time being, he pretended. One thing was clear that He was happy at Anissa's happiness but he didn't know how to properly express his joy and relief since he was trying to figure out his own feelings towards the pregnancy.

He was glad that he was able to give her the one thing that she wanted. But it also hurt him how easily she got distracted. Even now, he only thought of himself and what was in his heart.

How could he ever tell her that it made no difference to him whether they had children of not. How could he ever tell her that he was happy with just being the two of them together. How could he tell her that he didn't want anyone to come between them.

And more importantly, how could he tell her that he had killed so many pregnant woman. How could he ever tell that he just wasn't ready. How could he ever tell her that he didn't want her attention to be diverted from him. After all this time, he finally had her. He was happy with the way that things were.

The only change is liked so far was Anissa quitting her jon; He was happy to always find Anissa waiting for him at home whenever he would get back from work. His heart would swell with so much love and adoration whenever Anissa would welcome him, cook for him, take care of his needs like a good wife. And in the middle of the night, he would relax and sleep peacefully knowing that she was with him, by his side.

But this news is her pregnancy threatened to change the little peace and harmony that he had in his life. And he was not ready to accept this change.

How could he bring himself to tell her of the disappointment and hurt he felt when their second baby was terminated. He had pinned all his hopes and prayers on that pregnancy because he was desperate to bring back Anissa when she was lost. But the hurt he felt then, the pain of having all his hopes shattered in front of him, was just too heartbreaking and he never wanted to go through that again.

He had thought that it was a good thing that they couldn't have any children. It was good: that meant

Why don't you trust me after all this time?"

Shehryaar sighed and turned to face her. "Is that even a question?" Anissa was silent.

"It doesn't matter anymore." He said under his breath.

"What do you mean?" She frowned.

"Why should I trust you?" He said. "After all this time, you couldn't come to love me and now all of a sudden, after discovering that your pregnant, you realise that you love me? How could I believe that?"

"So, you don't believe that my love for you is true?"

"Of course." He agreed without deliberation. "After all this time, you couldn't love me."

"And after all this time, you couldn't come to trust me?" She countered.

"How can I ever trust you when you betrayed me in the most worst of ways and hurt me."

"You hurt me as well. I was only getting my revenge." She said, feeling agitated. Their arguments always ended up like this. But it was always the same: she would never apologise for something that was justified and she had to make him understand that; it was one of the boundaries she had established: convincing him to respect her wishes.

"It was necessary if I was to ever forgive you. I wouldn't be here with you if I hadn't done what I did." She justified. It took revenge for her to forgive him. She couldn't be like those strong women who would just forgive for the sake forgiveness. She was indeed just like any ordinary human being: full of retribution and thurst for vengeance.

"It doesn't matter then." Shehryaar heaved a defeated sigh.

Anissa was hurt to see him like this. All this time, in these three years, she treated him with kindness and learned to see him as a husband and a friend. She couldn't bring herself to see him as her lover, but when she discovered her love for him, everything changed. Now, her heart, it was urging her to change her opinion and open up even more. It took Three years of stubbornness, establishing boundaries and nonnegotiable limits for them to be here where they were now. And even now, she was content but she wasn't happy. The hatred and anger was all gone now. Even the sympathy and pity. And now, there was finally love. And she would fight for this love.

"The only reason you don't trust me is because you fear that I will hurt you. But I won't. I won't ever hurt you." She claimed wholeheartedly, her eyes pleading with him. "I love you. Can't you see that? I love you, Shehryaar." She uttered desperately.

Shehryaar looked at her: she was desperate and he could see that but it could do nothing to melt his stone cold heart.

"It's these kids you want. Not me. You love them. Not me."

"They are your kids. You helped to make them and I love you all."

Anissa knew that his thought would be in the wrong track.

"Do you really not want children? Do you despise them? Is that why you never even made an effort?"

Shehryaar sighed and unclasped her hands from around his waist.

"It's not that I don't want's just that.....I don't want to be a father."

"Do you hate the idea of being a father so much that you would reject our children?" She inquired, feeling her heart jump to her throat.

"You don't get it do's not you or them, it's me. I'm not cut out to be a father. I've never had a normal upbringing or a normal life so I have no idea of how I should be feeling. I know that I won't be a normal father."

"It's alright. I also don't know how to be a mother. We are new parents. It's only natural that we would be scared."

"I'm not scared." He scoffed.

"Yes you are. Otherwise you would've been happy at this great new change in our life."

"How can I be happy for something or someone I don't even know yet."

Anissa became amused at his childish way of thinking.

"I get it now. You're threatened that my attention will be divided."

"I can't do this." He tried to leave but she grabbed his wrist and quickly pulled him down and kissed him fiercely.

"I understand. I get it that you're feeling scared." She murmured against his lips. Shehryaar pulled away.

"Im not scared." He claimed vehemently.

Anissa smiled and hugged him. "We've been together for five years: I know you better then you know yourself. And I know, you don't like it because it'll be something different and you're not prone to change. But it's okay, when you will see our children for the first time, everything will fall into place." She said, her tone soft and full of understanding.

He's silent. Anissa shakes head and leaves the room. Shehryaar is left alone with his thoughts.




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