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   Chapter 107 NO.107

MAFIA INDEBTED (Mafia Series 1) By NSH_SHAHEEN Characters: 43000

Updated: 2018-09-15 04:00

It was training the next morning. Anissa stayed in bed and gazed out of the large window. She sighed as she sat up and pulled her hair to her left shoulder, her eyes just staring into space. Her mind too occupied.

What she had discovered yesterday had shook her badly. Her beliefs were shattered and a new perspective was forced on her.

She didn't know whether this was a good thing or not because it was completely unexpected.

She had not seen Shehryaar since yesterday. And for some reason, she wanted to see him.

She couldn't believe that she had him all figured out.

And the worst part was, that it made her realise what she had done: and what she had done was wrong.

She knew that as long as she believed that he was a psychopath, a person incapable of empathy or remorse, was naturally inclined to not have any sort of affection or understanding of love. That was the belief that cemented her resolve to hurt him and even if she hurt him in the most worst of ways, it still wouldn't be enough because she thought that he deserved far more then that.

What had he done to her: kidnapped her, threatened her, branded her skin, forced her to marry him, abused her, tortured her, made her kill and watch helplessly, starved her almost to death and raped her. He hurt her physically, emotionally and psychologically.

Now that she thought about it, what she had done was nothing compared to what he had done.

What he had done was brutal, cruel, savage, barbaric even.

And what did Anissa do? Just betray him? Only betray him?

Then why did it make her feel so guilty as if she didn't just betray him but killed him?

But it was true, if she put it that way, she really did kill him.

He was weak emotionally. And she targeted just that.

He targeted her on every level as well, even going so far as killing.....she stopped from thinking that as tears of pain brimmed her eyes. Her chest tightened. She didn't want to think about it but.....if she were to make her peace and come to a decision, she would have to force herself to, whether she liked it or not. She needed to think clearly now: she was too mentally distraught at that time and without thinking, she pinned the blame on Shehryaar.

Taking in a deep breath, she had her thought process working.

When she told him, he was already fuming mad from the rampage that she threw that night because of his disgraceful act. And now that she thought about it, at that time, they didn't have any relationship. She had no emotional attachment or bond with Shehryaar. So him bringing in another woman was disrespectful but she could overlook it. And his expression on that night: He was angry because of her rampage but as soon as she told him that she was pregnant; the look on his face.

She thought hard on it: yes, the look on his face, it was one of shock and bewilderment.

'What did you feel about the miscarriages?'


Nothing he said. And it was true. He had no feeling for it. Then, he didn't......kill their baby. At first she thought, he pushed her to kill their baby in cold blood just to punish her. But now....

And the second time?

'Find a way. There's got to be a way to save this baby!'

His words rang loud and clear from the deep crevices of her subconscious. At times, when the heart is in tatters, the mind remembers. And her mind remembered what he had said.

'I told you.....I would heal you and fix things.'

He had said that to her when they found out that she was pregnant again. He wouldn't say that if he killed the first one. So that only meant that the accident was accident.

It was hard for her to believe but it was the only logical conclusion. She had no choice but to accept it.

And now, it came to him.

Was she ready to accept what he had told her? Was she ready to deal with the horrible and traumatising reality that was her fate?

It was a huge NO!

How could she? After all that she had been through? But....she got her revenge right? Shouldn't that be enough?

'I destroyed you for myself.'

He destroyed her because he thought that his brother stole her from him and his pride got wounded.

'I wanted you to be just like me.'

And didn't he succeed? Because he did. She remembered that in the beginning, he even told her that her good nature pissed him off and her sense of morality was a major turn off for him. And that's why he broke her down, until all that was left in her was bitterness, pain and hatred.

'Maybe you might not find my way of thinking normal, but that's the only way I know.'

Yes, she always knew that his upbringing was responsible for his present state. But was it really his fault that he was brought up that way?

'I was raised as a killing machine. I was only taught how to take and never give. I never saw humans as people. I only saw them as opportunities and chances. Maybe that's why I didn't recognise any basic human rights and questioned every and anything that was normal in your world.'

He said that but he understood that it was not normal. But it was normal for him. Maybe not normal for the world but he was like that because that's all he ever knew.

What was she to do now? So much that she believed in came crashing down.

He was human all along. It was wrong of her to judge him not to be.

A sociopath had no sense of right and wrong but she did. So now it was upto her to set things right.

She had gotten what she wanted. She hurt him too.

At the time, she had given into her hurting, pain, anger and hatred. That was her excuse: but not anymore. It was time for her to woman up and let her true self take hold of her.

A woman is more stronger then any man. She's the embodiment of God's grace and compassion.

By taking revenge, she was suppose to be satisfied and happy. Then why was she feeling guilt? Why this heavy weight on her heart?

'She hated us because we were a product of sin.'

'.....her first and last words to me and my brother were that we were monsters and we were both evil and we should've never been born.'

Anissa could only imagine what this could've impacted on the innocent mind of a child.

'for sociopaths, it's believed that environment is more of a determinant then anything else: like if his brain only perceives a harsh and hostile environment, it moulded his personality in such a way that he could easily survive through such a challenging world.'

Sadia's words rang true.

'Because in my world, I can get away with everything. All that I ever knew were my own rights and my own desires. That was how I always treated everyone around me. I'm so used to manipulating others around me and bending them to my will that I cannot do anything otherwise. I'm used to always getting what I want however I want.'

And that's why he was so adamant on pushing through with his plans. Because she saw his emotional responses. Throughout the scan, his face was blank but his brain told the truth. But maybe, the only thing encouraging him to keep on with the charade was his pride and extreme jealousy.

'Morals and ethical codes mean nothing to me and still don't. I don't have, what you would call, a conscience.'

But it was clear to Anissa that he really did have a conscience and as Sadia had put it, it was too underdeveloped. 'It's not up to you to decide because I do feel guilt.' He had told her that but she kept on judging him on her suspicions.

But despite all of this, what he did to Anissa. Was it forgivable? As for forgiveness, was it really about that? Forgiveness? Is that the reason why she wasn't at peace with what she she had done?

No matter how hard she tried, her heart couldn't possibly harden. That's why she was in guilt and regret.

Anissa realised that what she did was evil of her. It was cruel. She had done the exact same thing as Shehryaar had done: but he was responsible was turning her into this: cold and twisted, loathsome and anger filled degenerate.

Betrayal, it called to evil: it turned her evil, evil enough to act on instinct, give into temptation and harm. And what did it result in? It turned her wretched and miserable with guilt and made her suffer even more.

But.....could the answer really lie in forgiveness? After all, isn't that all what's needed? Forgiveness is something that every person who has wronged another seeks. That's the thing that every soul seeks from God. Then why couldn't she?

No, what you've done isnt something you should be asking forgiveness for. He deserves what you did to him. Her wounded pride was trying to dissuade her and pull her back into the dark pit of bitterness but her bleeding heart didn't allow it and kept reminding her that he was human. And a lost one at that. He didn't know how to respond on a normal human level. Khadijah was right. What was done was done, there was no going back to change it. Then what now? She was going to leave, leaving him would never make things right but then again, if she didn't leave him, deep down, she wanted to stay and make things right. But could she really do it? Take a leap of faith with him? Was that even possible?Could she get past the horror that have scarred both her and Shehryaar and try to fix things?It was possible but it would be very difficult.

'I learned that foegievenbess was better then anything.'

That's because she wasn't hurt as much as Anissa was. No woman could ever be hurt as much as Anissa was hurt.

The man who was her husband, who was suppose to be her protector, her Savior turned out to be her biggest nightmare.

'Hurting others only hurts us in the end. All that we have left is regret and torment.'

And Anissa knew that Khadijah was right. Did hurting Shehryaar so deeply make her happy? Did it give her peace? No, it didn't. It only made her miserable with guilt. Anissa knew that hurting Shehryaar through betrayal would be very fatal. Because he was emotionally weak, she exploited his weakness and targeted just that. And it was low of her. It was cruel.

'When it comes down to getting even, I would much rather choose forgiveness and happiness over retribution.'

Yet, Anissa chose retribution. Such was the state in which she made her decisions that she became completely blind to reason. What she did to Shehryaar was cruel. she knew that he wasn't like everyone else, capable of guilt and remorse, so that's why, she abandoned her conscience and hurt him while misjudging him: she hurt him but just like hurting any other normal person, made her feel horrible. Hurting a fellow human being cut her heart apart and deepened her pain.

She thought that it was okay to hurt him as long as she believed that he was a cold and callous inhuman monster, but now she realised, he was human, just not normal in a sense that he only acted in what he believed in. Yet she hurt him. She had seen it in his eyes. She was cruel. And Anissa was anything but cruel.

But....but....he turned me this way. She tries to blame it all on Shehryaar, trying desperately to run from reality. And the reality was..... that she was only human. And by the end of the day, she was no different then the rest of the world. She did what everyone would do: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, pain for pain, hurt for hurt. There was no room for patience, virtue or compassion then. How cruelly she had dismissed him whenever he tried to make an effort to make amends. He had realised his mistakes but then again, Anissa was not willing to listen or understand. If she had believed that he was without conscience, then how could she have expected anything normal or human from him? Even in her suspicions, she should've thought things through. She should've been the mature one. But it wasn't like that she didn't try. Because she tried. She tried so hard to make their marriage work but Shehryaar always ruined everything. And especially when he crossed the limit, then Anissa had no choice either. There was only so much that she could take until she finally succumbed when she lost her first child. She fought like a brave soldier until it was just too much to bear.

'Everyone deserves a second chance.'

Indeed, everyone deserved a second chance: even Shehryaar.

Yes, what she did to Shehryaar was cruel. But, it had to be done. If she was to come to this point in her life, to give him a chance, she needed to do it.

But now, it was time to move on.

What's done is done. There was nothing that can be done to undo the past.

Just like she couldn't heal from the pain that Shehryaar gave her, he couldn't heal from the pain that Anissa gave him.

But now, the scale were evened out. This was time for change.

Because she knew that it was fate. Shehryaar and Anissa was destined to be together and only they could heal each other's pain.

And besides, s

" Shehryaar muttered and opened his eyes, looking Anissa straight in the eyes. "I will not change. I am who I am whether you like it or not."

"All I can say is that.....I'm sorry. For everything that I've done. I don't know what else to say." He uttered, his left hand going to the back of his pants and pulled out a gun. Anissa's heart went into overdrive when she saw him grip the weapon but he didn't point it to her.

"I dragged you into this fucked up world. But you always belonged under the sun, in the light where you would shine. But I was a selfish bastard. I wanted that light for myself. Living in the darkness for so long had made me weary. For two years, I watched you from afar. Shahzeb would never let me near you because he knew what I would do to you. He always believed that I had a natural distaste of goodness that's why I always challenged it until it suited my needs." He stated with a far away look on his face.

"I never knew that you would become my everything. I was willing to change....for you. But now, I can't even look at you without thinking of what you did to me. Call me crazy but that's just how I am. That's just how I think." He said and took in a deep breath as his hard eyes glanced at her with utter seriousness.

"I'm too weak to let you go. I'm too selfish but.....I just can't stand this anymore. You'll never come to accept me or own me or love me. And I dont want that." His fingers tightened around the handle. "I can't give you happiness. I have realised that now. Because whenever I look into your eyes, I only see hate for myself. I know you can never love me. I think I don't even deserve your love. That's just how fucked up I am. I mean, look at me." He gives himself a dry chuckle. Anissa realised that it hurt her to hear him say that.

"That's why, " She panicked when he took her hand and made her hold the gun and pointed it on himself, pressing the barrel upon his heart.

"It started with a bullet. It's only right that it should end with a bullet." He said.

"I'm giving you the right to just end it once and for all. You saved my life twice so I owe my life to you and thus, only you have the right to take it away from." He asserted.

"Only you are capable of ever hurting me. You're my weakness." He smiled gently at her when he felt her hand shake. "So finish it, complete you're revenge. Take my life and this time Anissa, do not hesitate." He said. His eyes held no hope or life. She could see that he had utterly given up. He was completely hopeless now. And it caused Anissas heart to clutch painfully and break.....for him..

He was broken and empty. She could see it. Shehryaar withdrew his hands only to engulf Anissa in an embrace. He kissed her head and hugged her tightly. Anissa could feel his helplessness. He had given up on not only her but also on himself, on them and on life. She could feel that he was in utter despair as he saw no more purpose in life. He had nothing to live for.

"You're the only person I've ever loved. You're the person who's made me human. You made me feel vulnerable and exposed. And strangely, I didn't mind it. It made me just like everyone else. And for that, I'm grateful." He murmured against her hair and kissed the crown of her head, his lips lingering on her damp hair and Anissa could feel his hot breath on her scalp. She could feel his heart beat so frantically. She could feel her blood raging within her veins.

Shehryaar released her and pulled the gun's barrel upon his heart. Anissa was panicking. She couldn't believe that he was asking her to claim his life. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't do that and he knew it. She had tried before but failed simply because she was incapable of killing someone.

"You want to die?" She asked in a small shaky voice.

Shehryaar looked at her blankly for a second. "Of course not. I want to live. And I want to live with you. But what's the point if I can't have you by my side? What is the point of i can't even make you smile or make you happy. You don't trust me, respect me or even rely on me at all. And I don't want such a life." He stated. "And what's worse, I can never trust you again as well. So, there's just no future for us. Or were right on that too: there never really was an 'us' to begin with." Shehryaar said, his deep voice displaying his broken heart. Anissa's hand shook violently and all she wanted was to throw the gun away. But something in her was not allowing her. It was the same feeling that was stopping her previously from letting her guard down and now, this was the same feeling that was giving her the will to do what he asked of her. But she knew that yet she didn't want it.

"What survive." She murmured.

"Then make sure that I don't survive." Shehryaar countered.

"Is that how badly you want to die?" She looked into his eyes and searched for any signs of deceit but found none.

He's silent in contemplation. "if I survive, I will never let you go and you would have to accept me and forgive me. Is that what you want? Because if I live, I'll never release you. You'll be mine forever and you'll hate me. But me being me, I would never allow you to be away from me. Is that what you want?" He inquired. "I can't take the pain of your betrayal. Sometimes I can't even bear to look at you. I don't know why, but I still love you. I love you even though you betrayed me like that and hurt me and that would be enough for the both of us. I wouldn't care if you hate me but I just can't......take this anymore." He confessed. "Is that what you want?"

Anissa swallowed and shook her heard. Is he seriously trying to manipulate me? She thinks because her guilt increased tenfold along with her shame.

"No, right? Then don't hesitate and make a clean kill." He commanded, his time authoritative.

"Now this time, don't hesitate." His hands fell to his side.

"Go back to the light and shine again. You belong there. Stay happy." He said with a genuine smile: he looked so beautiful that way and Anissa saw his broken soul. She saw the small child within him, crying out for help: for someone to extend their hand and help them out of the darkness. And Anissa felt like she should be that person. Her heart was shouting at her to hear him out and help him and save him. "I hope that you can forgive me so that even if I have a soul, Allah may have mercy on it even though I won't deserve it. But maybe, death might be easy if I know that you've forgiven me." Shehryaar said.

It hurt Anissa to see him like this. He didn't even make a move to kiss her or touch her beyond the small gentle carcasses. Was he really that hurt to the extent of feeling hopeless and helpless? Anissa didn't appreciate that.

Maybe as a result of claiming retribution, her heart was able to let go of the hate and anger that she felt against Shehryaar. Whether she felt guilty or regretted doing it, but her heart was at peace. She was not only willing to forgive but also willing to forget.

She saw him be so helplessly hopeless and she realised that she had pushed him to this; her betrayal had pushed him this far. Just like she used to be at one time. But she had Allah to help her back up. Who did Shehryaar have? The person he trusted with his heart and loved so much ended up betraying him. Did she even deserve to be the person to help him?

Yes! Yes! You can be that person! Her conscience screamed.

'Be patient and leave everything in Allah's hands and see how things get better. All you have to do is trust in Allah and see what happens.' Khadijah's words rang loudly in Anissa's mind and that made things a little easy. She decided to take this as the last time to take matters into her own hands. After this, she would leave everything in God's hands.

With tears in her eyes, she gripped the hand weapon, her finger at the ready on the trigger. Her heart felt heavy but she reigned control on her emotions. She knew that this needed to be done.

"I forgive you." She murmured.

He gave a small smile and closed his eyes, looking satisfied.

"And I will save you." Anissa said and pulled the trigger.

The sound of a bullet piercing through flesh echoed in the silent room.





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