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   Chapter 41 NO.41

MAFIA INDEBTED (Mafia Series 1) By NSH_SHAHEEN Characters: 4674

Updated: 2018-05-18 22:17


There's so much pain.


There is just no escape from it.

I want to run and hide. I want to do anything that could help me cut it out. I know the pain pathways and I wish I could cut them off.

I just want it to stop.

All this grief and sorrow: it's making this pain even more intense.

Everywhere there is just pain and darkness.

I never knew that it could hurt so much.

What was I anyway? A mere woman. What was my crime to deserve so much torment? What did I ever do? I was a normal ordinary person. My parents didn't want me because I was girl so they gave me away. My uncle and aunt raised me to be a good woman.

I was good. I helped everyone that I could. I showed kindness and enthusiasm.

But was that enough? No it wasn't.

What did I get in return for being good? All this pain and hurt. I didn't deserve any of it.


I listened as my voice of reason came.


It's all your fault. If you hadn't been so irrational. I tried to talk you out of it but you just blocked me out.

'You're right. It is my fault.' I couldn't help but agree. It was all my fault. I lost my baby boy because my emotions went haywire.

'Maybe, its best that I give up.'

No Ainnie. That it not the way. Again you are being irrational.

'I always wondered what it was like to live without any care. This all happened because I gave a damn abou

cked away in my mind.

The darkness became even more black. I would've smiled but I won't now. I was slowly slipping away. The parts of me that held most dear were already gone and buried somewhere deep down. This is how it should be. This is how it should've been from the start.


Your turn.

I took that voice of reason and began to block it out. I saw myself in the mirror of my psyche. My conscience was staring back at me. It was screaming something at me. But it couldn't do anything anymore. This is my mind, my territory and thus, my universe. I could do anything that I wished. And I kept repeating.


Be cold.

Be a puppet.

Be a shell.

Be emotionless.

Be numb.

I saw my conscience screaming and trying to break free from the glass. But I wasn't done yet.


Forget yourself.

Forget Anissa Ghalib.

And become Anissa Ghulari.

And Be nothing.


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