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   Chapter 23 Deconditioning

Towards the Inner By Jerronime Characters: 29533

Updated: 2018-04-02 19:02

(The Real Conclusion That Actually Did Occur)

So, the previous conclusion nearly happened. Just nearly. Many of the stated reactions Naomi had already begun to apply in the real conclusion, in real life – yet in doing so, she was stopped by her consciousness, her new life views caused by the new attitudes that she had gained. Really, she began to act according to the new perspective. She stopped repeating the cycles, she dropped the conditioning and suddenly entirely different conclusions, entirely new solutions opened to her; and she, at forty-two, discovered a new Naomi. She was far from the scenario that happens to the majority, and which would surely happen to her, too. It was a brand new start for her, a dimension which she could not imagine before.

She was exactly at the age that Osho defines as follows:

When you are approximately forty-two you can draw an important conclusion of life – you can assess whether you are succeeding or failing in life. After your forty-second birthday you have not much hope of success: if you wanted to make money, you already did – because you have already passed your energy peak. You reached it when you were a thirty-five-year-old. You still might try to work another seven years, but in fact, you go downhill. You did everything you could. Suddenly you pass forty, and you realise that you have failed.

This failure obviously needs some rationalisation, and so immediately the first heart attack comes. It is a blessing for you – a gift from God. You can crawl into bed and accusingly ask, "What do I do? Everything just started to flourish, and suddenly all my plans are foiled by this heart attack. I had the success at hand. I could become famous! I could get rich! And instead of that, I have to heal my heart.

But Naomi's life became something new, undiscovered, incredibly beautiful, one big challenge full of new twists, happy turns and full of love.

Let's get back to the beginning. It started in entire misery. Break-up, loss, a million question marks every day. Feelings of self-pity, hatred, then self-blame, alternating with states of deep depression, with the need to take revenge, to reverse the entire process, simply, with the urge to be active, do something, reverse the wheels of fate. To convince herself and the world, and especially Patrick that she was hurt. That she is in the right.

Suffering is an unconscious state. We suffer because we do not realise what we do, what we think about, what we feel, and so we are constantly in conflict with ourselves. Our emotions go one way, thinking other way and feelings are completely somewhere else. We fall apart. We are more and more broken, fragmented. We completely lose our centre, only the edges remain. A kind of life, which is not harmonious, would be naturally unhappy, tragic, would become boulder that is needed to be carried, it would be suffering.

Naomi would live in misery. As costumed for most people. How to get out of suffering?

Two ways lead out from it: we can begin to meditate and become alert, attentive, aware… but it is a real drag. It requires courage. So, the other way: discover something that will make us even less aware than we are now, just so that we do not feel our misery, our suffering; we find something that makes us even more unconscious, not conscious – narcotics, alcohol, drugs, narcotic activity, excessive activity, gossips, anything that helps us to forget our anxiety, our anguish and turns them into meaninglessness. The other way, however, is not the true one, the right one. It eases and soothes the pain, but does not help us. Does not transform us.

Coincidence, or maybe karmic set up allowed Naomi to know the right way. She chose it, hit it and underwent a transformation. You see, the transformation comes only through meditation, for it is the only method that makes us aware. Conscious.

The lunatic slowly disappeared. Slowly, slowly her thoughts began to behave according to a certain pattern and ceased to be chaotic, came into compliance with the universe. Inside her, a deep peace reigned.

She did not have a need to "solve" anything or to gain something by force anymore; she ceased any activity that would not be done with love, with creativity, with deep joy. She did not need to conquer her love. She was not a beggar; she understood what true love is.

Love is beautiful if it makes us ascend. It becomes obscene and ugly when we fall in it, (when we fall in love). Sooner or later, we find out that such love is poisonous. It becomes slavery, our wings are trimmed, and we are no longer free. When we fall in love, we become a property, a thing, and the man we fell in love with, we try to turn into a thing too. Naomi understood it and let Patrick go, let him fly in the sky. She felt love, but no longer any hatred, revenge; she forgave him and let him go his own way. Love is freedom. Love makes us more and more free. Only then, it opens the endless heaven to us. Love cannot be converted into a prison nor be fenced. But most people do not know such love. Only those, who are conscious, they know.

Naomi used all her energy for the transformation. For the transformation happens only if we bring really all our energy. The alchemical metamorphosis occurs only if we cook at one hundred degrees – only then, the water evaporates, turns into steam. Water flows down, steam rises upward.

Upwards is synonymous with "towards the inner" below is synonymous with "towards the outside". Previously, Naomi was an extrovert, used to have the need to be constantly with people, to be the centre of attention, the best, the most beautiful, to know everything. And if she did not know something, she did everything possible to know, to learn it. A million activities, while by most of them she felt nervous. Yes, she used to be a one-hundred-percent extrovert. She could not rest, could not stop and relax, always in a stream of meaningless activities. Like most people dork, train, do whatever it takes to be active, plan upcoming weekend schedule, look forward to the weekend to finally have some rest. Then the weekend comes, and they are lost – so they come up with any activities so that they would not be by themselves so that they keep themselves in a crowd, they sit in the car and go to the public beach, with a million of such people.

Consciousness heads inside. Unconsciousness heads out, provokes interest in others, in things, people, but always it is an interest in others. Unconsciousness keeps us in total darkness as our eyes are focused on others. Unconsciousness makes us extroverts. Directs us outwards. Consciousness creates the inside, makes us introverts. Consciousness draws us deeper and deeper inside. Naomi became an introvert, concentrating only on what she does, and in particular, on what she likes to do. The circle of people around her got decluttered, changed, only those with the same or at least similar setting like her remained – no superficial, false, diversionary or abusive relationships, no hypocrisy and lies.

Naomi understood that without the path of transformation which she had chosen, she would keep on making the same mistakes. She would keep escaping to the exaggerated parties, superficial familiar people would do everything and anything, as many activities as possible. She would be a person who firmly controls or tries to control any situation, to have everything and everyone under control. Herself excluded. She understood that for the bad things we go downhill, but for the good things we need to walk up. Pedalling uphill is difficult – the higher we go, the more difficult the road is. The way down is easy, we do not have to virtually do anything, gravity pulls us. But if we want to raise our consciousness to the beauty of the world, to the truth, to bliss, which the higher peaks leads us to is, of course, a difficult journey. After all, for four months, she had been alone, in almost perfect isolation. Just spent some time with Alice, very, very little she went amongst people, instead, she was reading, thinking, meditating, crying, mourning, writing… creating. She dealt with household chores and cooking – the activities that she had never done when she had been alone.

Patrick's shadow still accompanied her every day, but in a different way – as her teacher. Her memories of him were full of love, without anger, without remorse, without jealousy. They were as she had learned from Alice, as she had read in all the books, but also how she had observed it in the real world. After all, Alice, her Alice lived like that – without any large effort the things always went as she wished while she did not push, did not want, did not conquer, just took all with love and respect, but only as far as the contours had been drawn by her, the contours, boundaries th

Wasted no energy on anything else that would not fulfil her and on what would not give her the feeling of happiness and fulfilment. And it was not difficult at all.

And so, effortlessly, she won two competitions. In dance. The trainings mentioned before were of Latin American dances. Even though Naomi had started with dancing just recently, she felt the dance was in her blood. Felt divine pleasure in every joint, every muscle while moving in a rhythm. All those "club-rings" and discos had one main purpose – to dance. No one in her Homeland had ever done what she did. She had believed that one day, she would dance at once all five Latin American dances at a professional level. She got herself a professional trainer, and over time some world's well known joined her, usually under a very unusual coincidence, as if it was guided. Perhaps it was. Because after two years of almost daily training, she took part in two world competitions. It went quickly, and especially after the break-up with Patrick. She won. Within one month, she won fifth place and second place! To the first competition, held in London, even her sister came, with her whole family. Just three months before, Alice had predicted that she would not come because could not stand Naomi's success. Only then, they did not know, that Naomi would change the film that she would make it, that by changing the projection she would attract completely new reactions from people, would attract only what she alone radiates. And so everyone came to cheer her with incredible enthusiasm and love.

In addition to professional successes and offers which just poured in, and which she explicitly selected depending on where she could use her creativity and skills and what was merely political-commercial, Naomi began to create. Her poems written in her secondary language were published by a world-renowned publishing house, and two of them became the basis for lyrics. Well-known foreign songwriters started reaching out with offers of cooperation. She was good at it, with any music, on any topic spontaneously she was able from one minute to the next spit out words of a song.

Everything fit together. Not expecting it at all Naomi won recognition and admiration. And pretty good finances. She could buy her dream house on the Island, right next to the golf course and even a bit bigger, than she had always longed for. A house that she could set up a dance school in.

Ever since she dreamt that she opens a stylish summer dance school in all-in-white design, which would be attended by all those, who care about their bodies and are interested in working on themselves. Because Naomi was a shining example – she had never been in better shape, and her body was more beautiful than ever. Dancing helps you to straighten up, makes muscles work and your body begins to intensively use them, otherwise, you would fall while dancing. Entire body mass is in action. But the mind completely switches off – you focus on technique, steps, choreography, posture. Naomi's dream was to help others in this way, to bring them to a positive attitude to life, make them move, dance.

The dream was within reach. Next to the hotel complex, with which she had already contracted first clients as a part of the hotel's animation program, she found a house where her dream was becoming a reality, the reality in the stage of construction and preparation of the summer Dance club. So she would be able to be on the Island, for most of the year, to lead the school, write poems, songs, do projects… simply create and play golf. And perhaps, as the very first on the list – to take care of her own child. But she let that be up to nature. If it is supposed to be, it will be so. Despite Patrick declining her, Naomi felt overflowing happiness, and in feeling so, she attracted happiness. And above all, she took everything with humbleness and love. In balance.

That case, that only black spot, an unfinished thing of her past has been eliminated. The chief prosecutor decided that it was inconclusive with the constituent elements of facts, Naomi was a victim. She had been ambushed. The letter with this joyful news came one morning when she had already forgotten that something like that exists at all. She had consciously erased it long before as a matter which does pertain to her because it is unfair and made from the wrath of someone – and so it indeed happened as she had consciously decided.

Naomi did not go into society anymore. Certainly not in her Homeland and especially not for parties, receptions. If so, a private dinner with a friend or work acquaintances only. Her pathways were very restricted and carefully chosen to protect her privacy. The less she was seen in the society, the more grew the interest in her person. But she did not care, especially as far as the male gender attempts to get to know her were concerned. With respect and humbleness, Naomi let flow all these attempts. She would go on a date or coffee with no one, but "Mr Right". And who that will be, she will feel at the very moment when he enters her life. Until then, she does not need to get to know anyone, just to perhaps get closer, or get to like him. With the consciousness she has, she will know exactly her Mr Right – the one, for whom she had been waiting for her whole life. And this transformation, deconditioning she had to undergo in order to be worthy of him.

She admitted that she will not forget Patrick. She was sorry that during their relationship, she had not been conscious enough… It might have turned out differently. But it was only a fleeting thought. Each of us is responsible for our own destiny. Everyone, who enters into our lives, comes with a purpose, for us to learn something. Thanks to Patrick, Naomi has learned a lot. She has changed her setting. Thanks to him, she undertook the journey of transformation.

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