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   Chapter 14 The Diary – DAY 7

Towards the Inner By Jerronime Characters: 17779

Updated: 2018-03-28 19:02

Another day… I've "survived" it only by working, reading, writing and golfing. Where's that Naomi, who always had to have a program, be amongst people, to get to know them, and enjoy?

What happened, that it suites her suddenly to be in this peace and her only company is herself?

I've visited two numerologists in my life. Both of them predicted the same thing, although the time determination when those most significant positive changes were supposed to happen, were not identical in their predictions. They both shot perfectly in all the negative events; both saw and evaluated me, my typology, and my past; even both (independent numerologists) defined predisposition of my karma, the acquisition of those past lives, what I'm supposed to "solve" in this life and catalyse in a karma-way. In me, there is a soul of an ancient monarch, who was very smart, educated, handsome, and charismatic, but who took advantage of these features to gain power and then abused it. He used his skills to keep increasing his power, kept people in ignorance and fed them fanatically with his own "truth" to bind them in obedience as he had needed. The intimidation and punishments weren't absent either.

For my whole life, I've been aware that I don't have the typical "female way of thinking" and appearance, although, in the physical sense, I can say I'm a perfect woman. I've always perceived myself as different for I've always inclined more towards masculine groups, towards the vortex of their conversations, problems, and concerns. That was much closer to me then some sitting in ladies' salons, or "having coffee" or debates about children, cheating husbands, or plastic surgery; that has never resonated with me. Never.

This revelation has brought clarity. These days, everything's becoming clear to me, maybe too much, but it's still true that a drowning man will clutch at a straw and probably that's why all these events, even the paranormal ones, suddenly are coming to my mind. And of course, they've been right, "The soul of the monarch is back…" A monarch, who was a visionary with unique skills which gained him natural respect and favour, and made him a leader, whose country was prosperous and flourishing. But he had neither understanding nor interest nor time nor space to give clear contours to his mission; he didn't come up to the closure that the universe had expected. During his life, he never hit rock bottom – an emotional fall – and so he had no need to answer questions about love, about the meaning of life and our mission. His life was fast, his aptitudes, talents, skills that he had been endowed with, guaranteed him a straight way to the top, an easy way to everything that he wished for. But he didn't experience true love. He thought he did… Well, he missed, he didn't recognise himself. Therefore, he began to behave like a typical human creature – as the major part with the body and the brain which controls the heart muscles – however, it didn't advance him anywhere. He began to lie and use his cunningness to gain even what wasn't determined for him; he began to hurt loved ones, friends, and subordinates. Simply, to hurt people. He abused his talents for the goals which were selfish and egoistic. He committed severe crimes, and his karma was never cleaned. And that's why I had to be born. And all that what happened to innocent little Naomi was the cosmic plan.

From these thoughts and putting the pieces of the puzzle together into precise and tight connections that would lead to a who-knows-what conclusion, a phone call brought me out and directed me back to my work duties. So I opened my MacBook, sent a few instructions to my employees and in this working mood I completed a study on the tax and social contributions burden in my Homeland in comparison with others, allegedly with a poorer standard of living. A clear result came out, one that wasn't very pleasing to my countrymen because it showed that the burden with absolutely negative impacts and the worst of all compared to other countries, is in my Homeland.

Why do I currently have such a need to devote myself to something like that? What do I want to highlight? I've no political ambitions anymore; I don't want to cheat people. So why at this moment, in this emotional state? Am I starting to realise my essential, my interior? Am I beginning to register the mistakes in the world around? Do I start to see clearly everything that once the "monarch" within me had been contributing to?

Do I care about it? Or do I just want to point it out? The facts? The numbers? The truth?

After all, I don't respect or acclaim politicians; Politics is just a form of "religion", keeping people in the state which they need them in. Therefore, I don't want to politicise and I won't. But I enjoy concrete facts, I love all the scientists and artists who believed in their dreams and were able to materialise them; who lived both in their world, their existence and the existence of the universe; who lived with love and faith (in themselves) and created memorable work or innovative inventions or technological "booms" that moved the whole existential life a quantum leap forwards….

Perhaps that's why this "karmic cleansing" should come right now, while I'm still tied to my Homeland, which I haven't liked since I

l believed that and still believe to this day. Without this, they could be already advanced to maximum prosperity and happy life. I learned about a distracting manoeuvre. A certain law here says that one cannot write negatively about "dead politicians" or blame them for anything even after death. Thanks to this law the one ex-politician mainly responsible for a massacre on the Island is now celebrated as the most important positive figure of his time. While both, the condition into which he had led the Island, and the massacre that he had caused, came only as a result of him following orders under a threat of disclosure of some not very pleasant facts about his way of life and his sexual affairs.

Nice dinner, long conversations about relationships, music, dance… They're the ones whom I'll love to have with me on the upcoming dance competition. They are and will be selfless support – without thrilling jealousy and biased admiration.

My sister won't be there, as Alice's crystal told me before my departure. Supposedly she won't come, because:

My little sister loves me, very much, wishes me well and has compassion for me, but… it's been always there that "but" – an admiration often growing into jealousy. In those "givens/gifts" – which I wasn't developing, respectively, only marginally or superficially – I was more skilful and more successful, more beautiful, most courted, etc. Therefore, her behaviour was sometimes a downright competitive fight which I'm realising now – that due to this so many different small and large conflicts between us were caused. The time, my age, natural intellect, and intuition brought me basically to acquiescing that it's enough what I am and what I do in my life. For in the presence of my sister, I was becoming the obedient, vulnerable, imperfect, impractical… actually, the one who needs help. Her life runs in the contours of love and happiness. She graduated from a prestigious university abroad, went through all the youthful and crazy adventures before she met her chosen one, destined husband. They have two kids whom I love. I love them all, but I often put them on a pedestal of perfection, of greater importance than myself. I put myself in the position of someone who due to her own imperfection can't experience such happiness. But such happiness is ready for everyone (just in a different form), and to notice, accept and enjoy it that depends on the maturity and spiritual level of everyone.

My special visit to the Island has come to its end. Let's call it a kind of "rebirth". I'm sitting on the plane, feeling as if a different person is sitting here. This person is no longer the same Naomi who flew in tears to her favourite Island seven days ago, to forget, to find herself, some peace and balance.

Was it indeed seven days only – seven days of silence, solitude, and tranquillity with thoughts and the window open, for the messages and signs to come?

We'll see… now going back to everyday reality but as a new person. I'm experiencing the flight back somehow in a completely different way. I'm feeling as high as the clouds, high off the ground as another being, reading others feelings and enjoying this "high isolation".

The arrival back to my Homeland doesn't seem so foggy and black anymore, as I perceived it every time for so many years… Now it doesn't concern me. It's no longer important where I am or whom I am with. But who I am, that's important. And that's my first revelation. A tiny rebirth.

The end of the diary


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