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   Chapter 22 I'm Nothing Like You

Xavier's Confession By Hermyne Khaling Characters: 15032

Updated: 2018-11-03 19:25

I slammed my hands against the steering wheel hard after hitting my head on the it about like a fifty times utterly furious at myself.

~ Why the fuck did I do that?!

She didn't want it.

I suck. Fucking suck.

And what sucked more was that I, seventeen year old Xavier Arquette with a dysfunctional brain, kissed his crush without her consent and earned himself an overwhelming slap.

And I definitely deserved it.

Much to my displeasure, my eyes somehow darted towards the rearview mirror and I saw Dickface.

Letting out a strangled groan of irritation, I roughly wiped my face with both palms and then again, slammed my hands on the steering wheel.

~ Why the hell did I do that?!

I couldn't help it. When they walked out on me, I was devastated to the point that they made me feel like I was nobody, like some shadow even silence and invisibility too couldn't care less to acknowledge. I couldn't stand to see another person walk out on me again and definitely not her. I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to understand. I wanted her to known. . . that I needed her to stay. I WANTED HER. Then my demanding, fucked up instincts kicked in and I. . . I kissed her.

And she didn't want it.

So she slapped me.

End of my love story.

I closed my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh as I leaned the back of my head on the head rest, clenching my teeth so tight that my jaws felt almost spongy. Now I was seated in my car and I didn't know if I should just leave or go up the front door and apologize or call her or just let it be.

~ No. I can't just let it be. She already hates me and if I just leave it this way, then I should probably forget hoping I'll ever get to be with her again. Taking note that I have fucked up 80% of the miles far possibility. But then again, even if I walk up to the front door and knock or even try kicking the door a thousand times, she wouldn't open it; that I know for sure. She wouldn't even pick up my calls. So I should probably just leave.


I ran a hand through my hair, letting out another frustrated sigh then started my car. With one last glance towards the front door, I rolled the car down the street, cursing myself consistently like it was some sort of ritual to set things right.

~ She's gonna fucking hate me more.

Well done, Xavier.

You deserve a shitty Oscar.

I drove down the street still thinking about her. I tried not to but it was as impossible as a chicken turning into a dog. She was always there in my mind whether I was awake or asleep, conscious or unconscious. Ever since she came back to town, she'd never left my mind. And with the fact that I kissed her just a few minutes ago, there was no hell of a way the thought of her was leaving my mind.

I thought of her. I thought of the kiss. I thought of how she tried to break free from my hold and how I was being such an asshole who was going nuts on tasting her divine lips and so kept kissing her. Goddammit.

By the way, she tasted insanely good.

Going home was out of my mind. I was restless. Everything kinda seemed shitty. I needed salvation. So I decided to do what I always did when I seem to have no other choice to distract my mind. And that is. . . Finding Salvation. Until it was time, I went down to Brother Bear and got Rob to talk to me all the bullshit he could get in the world, while I sat at the bar and drank my drinks.

I felt a small hand stroke my back as I listened and watched Rob do his skilled thing of a bartender.

"Need company?" I knew that shrill, irritating voice.

~ Why doesn't she fucking leave me alone!

She has made it her undeniable job to show up everywhere I am. Just fucking amazing.

"Not at all, " I answered keeping my gaze away from her.

I had not a grain of interest to even look at her.

"But you look lonely." She pushed her tits up against my arm as if she stupidly thought that was gonna turn me on.

She should learn by now that I seriously doesn't have a least bit of interest in her. I have even made that clear to her more than enough. But it's like none of her senses communicates with her brain. If I could get a hamburger each every time I tell her to stay away, I would easily be able to offer free treat to half of the world.

I shifted on the stool to face her and said, "Maybe you're right, Megan. Maybe I am lonely. The girl I want to marry slapped me for kissing her. What can be worst than that?"

Disappointment quickly took over her excited look an

speech midway and answered, "We're a family, Xavier."

I scoffed, "Since when."

"I know I made a lot of mistakes and I want to fix them too."

Wincing, I replied nonchalantly, "Don't bother. We're fine without you. . . or her."

"I know you hate me. . ."

"Oh good."

"But I'm still your father."

That brought my jaws to the edge. I clenched my teeth and stared hard at him with scorn I couldn't hold back even if I try to.

"You don't get to say that anymore, " I hissed and clenched my fists on the table. "You're not my father. And I'm not your son. You never were or wanted to be in the first place and I survived. So I assure you in good faith that you don't have to give a fuck about my future and you do whatever you want with the inheritance, give it to a stranger or one of your female acquaintances. I don't care. . ."

"Xavier!" his voice rose at once at the mention of some acquaintances.

~ Well, I'm sorry. I don't give two shits about that anymore.

And so I continued speaking nonchalantly with a perfectly straight face and a perfectly twisted soul.

"I don't need you to care about my life anymore. You don't have to wreck yourself tryna look like a father. It's tiring to look at for Christ's sake."

Claire's hand took my fist, reassuring me that she was there for me and asking me to contain my frustration.

"Xavier, it's already been long enough since we've been this way. I wanna change that, " he deadened his voice to contrite.

Why is it so hard for your brain to understand that I don't give a fuck anymore? I don't know who is more dumb, you or Megan.

"It's never gonna change. You can stop thinking about it. And I'm not moving back to New York."

With that, I stood up and turned to take my leave.

I was at the brink of blowing up my anger but I couldn't do that for Claire and Grammy's sake, at least not there. They were all I have and I didn't want to keep them in constant worry and fear. But damn, nothing nice really happens whenever he show up. Maybe it was my problem. But they made me that way. And it was getting harder to contain my anger, my hatred, my pain.

Just give me a chance, Xavier. Don't walk out on me like your mother did, " he stood up too and pleaded.

I clenched my fists tighter until they quivered.

I finally shouted at him, hardly controlling the rising heat in my blood, "Do not compare me with anyone among the two of you! I'm nothing like you!"

He stared back at me, speechless and looking grieved but, now, it was way past the time I care about how he feels. And I didn't want him to care about how I feel either.

With that, I headed up the stairs. Anymore minute with him, then I'll probably screw up everything. I have this awful temperament issue. I briskly walked past Claire avoiding her gaze.

"Xavi, " she called and followed me up the stairs.

Without answering, I went straight for my room.


"Leave me alone, " I told her and slammed the door shut behind me.

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