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   Chapter 27 November th.

The Devil's Diary By Paul Kater Characters: 15279

Updated: 2018-02-11 12:04


Dear diary.

Holy crappola!! This morning Nafaru came by and was furious! She had called and not gotten any reply last night! I had forgotten to bring the mobile phone up. Shit. She damaged some furniture, Maurice had to call a few guys to replace some windows and I have not heard from her anymore since she left. I tried calling her, but she did not respond. Maybe a retaliation. Maybe she's had it. Maybe she's just upset. Who knows. Also noticed -again- that I should not think thoughts that summon bad things.

Somewhere along the morning I had a thought that I had not heard bad news from anyone upstairs for a while. That of course was the reason for it to change. The Jehovah Witness folks had send a committee down.

Maurice showed them in after warning me that they looked quite miffed.

The spokes-witness did not waste much time on niceties or politeness.

"We have a complaint."

"Of course you do, and a good morning to you too, " I said. I do not like people to be rude to me. Not them, not live ones, not people from upstairs at all. They are up there because they were nice, so they'd better stick with that attitude or they will receive a butt-whooping they have never received before. And with my mindset from the morning, this could be a very loud whoop.

The spokes-witness mumbled something. "Our complaint is about the smoke and the smell."

Good grief, now what.

"What smoke, what smell, what time, what place and what occasion? Do fill out the appropriate forms in triplicate and hand them in at the front desk." Can we tell I was not overjoyed?

"Forms?" This had taken the spokes-witness by surprise. Good. That meant I was on the winning end of the deal, my favourite end.

"Yes. Forms. You know about forms, don't you?"

"Uhm... yes. But nobody told us about forms here."

Great. No mention of their complaint in this sentence.

"It is advisable, sir, that you first make yourself familiar with the procedures around here, before you come barging in like an uncivilised entity and causing a lot of commotion about nothing, especially if you are not carrying the correct paperwork. Do I make myself clear?"

"Uhm... yes sir, " the spokes-witness nodded.

"Good. Now sod off!"

They sodded off. Without another word. After they had disappeared, Maurice came in with a red head.

"Is it safe to laugh now?" he asked.

"It is."

He burst out laughing, and since that is contagious, I started laughing too.

Then the most weird sequence of things happened. First I got a message on the computer that I should head out to the Pagan grounds as my presence was required there. I told Maurice where I would be and headed off.

As I was on the way, Maurice got a call from someone who claimed to be a distant relative and he wanted to meet up with Maurice. Now Maurice is not one who falls for stuff like that, but he did lock things up and went out to see what kind of prankster was trying to be the joke of the day. He called me as he was going out, informing me about the call and what he was going to do.

I got to the Pagan place and only met friendly faces who were surprised to see me show up. After asking around there was no one who had a clue who would have sent me the message. So I decided to have a beer, before heading back. And a mead. Their mead is always so good. While I was busy with that, Maurice called that he had not found anyone on the spot where he was supposed to meet this obscure family member and that he was on the way back to the office.

I told him I would be back soon, I just had to take care of something. Which was true. I had not finished the mead yet. After taking care of that business (I do take things like that very serious) and being on the way back, Maurice called again.

"Bill, I think you should get yourself over here with some speed."

He sounded a bit worried and did not want to talk about what was going on over the phone, so I estimated if the remaining distance was worth to call a wind demon. It wasn't. I did pick up my pace a bit. Perhaps I should take up some kind of sport after all. When I came in, I found Maurice in my office. He was staring at a large bag.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A bag, " he said.

"I can see that. What's in it?"

"Do you really think I open strange bags for a living?"

He had a point. But whatever was in it, is would not kill him (haha, that's funny!). I took the bag and dragged it outside. It was remarkably heavy. Once behind the house, near where the hammock is, I started to open it up. Inside it was a tremen

is wings and sat down. Leroy Brown had lost control over his lower jaw: it tried to touch his chest. "Can you get me on divi-net?" Raphael asked.

I punched it up for him and shoved the keyboard to him.

"Leroy Brown, eh? Let's see." It took him a while to find the man's personality data. "Ah. Here we have it. Leroy Brown. Gangster, general bad attitude, destined to be hit by a truck at- oh, should have happened just a few hours ago."

"It did, " Leroy now managed to say. "Got me a splitting headache too."

"Then how did you avoid going through intake?" Raphael asked him.

"Dunno, " the vampire said. "I got hit, blacked out and woke up near here. That was only a few minutes after being turned into a vampire. What's intake?"

We ignored his question. After a lot of cognac and searching Raphael and I discovered what had happened. Leroy should have been hit by the truck as planned (which happened according to schedule), but the fact that he had been turned into this vampire creature had thrown things upside down. That was not planned. I hate it when circumstance messes up the planning, but that's nature for ya. (How he got to the Gates of my place, we never found out.)

"So what are we going to do with him? He should be here, but he shouldn't be according to logic, since he is not technically dead. No death certificate from intake means no end-date on divi-net and that screws up things nicely."

Raphael looked at me. "I would not know. I think we should just send him back as soon as possible. There's a transport out first thing this morning, with a few souls who are revived by CPR and stuff like that. We could get him on that through the back door."

"Hey, stop! I can't go back in the morning!" Leroy then cut in.

"Why not?"

"I don't have a coffin yet."

"Erh... coffin? So you are dead after all?"

"No. But vampires only live in the night. In the daytime they are- ehm, I mean, they sort of sleep. In a place where the sun can't reach them. Otherwise they- ehm, disintegrate. And I don't feel like being disintegrated."

This sounded like a healthy attitude. "Can't you do something about the transport?" I asked Raphael. "Get them out a bit earlier or so?"

"Sorry Bill, no can do. These resurrections are planned and I don't want to make a bigger mess than we already have here." Raphael flipped open his phone and made a few calls. At the end of the last he looked relieved. "Got something. A guy at transports owes me a few. He is willing to send him down the next night. I'll take Leroy along and put him in Ice until then."

Leroy got a very funny and worried look on his face. "Hey guys, no need to go through all that, you know. I can just stay here, in a cellar or so, okay? No need to put me on ice!"

"On ice? I said IN Ice. Ice is the closed bar upstairs, named like that because it is so cool, " Raphael explained.

Short and good: I was glad to see Leroy under the wings of the archangel and fly out of my area. And now I go to bed. That was really enough for one evening.

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