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   Chapter 10 November th.

The Devil's Diary By Paul Kater Characters: 7285

Updated: 2018-02-11 12:04


Dear diary.

You are NOT going to believe what I had to deal with today! Some group or other had a massive ritual and a big fat party after that. I am all for that, party and song, that's what the afterlife should be about.

First a bunch of Jehovah Witness guys come knocking. No appointment, no call upfront, no nothing. They just got to Maurice's desk and demanded to see me. Before coffee, for crying out loud. But okay, they are customers of these regions, so I had to let them in. And try to be diplomatic about it. Now diplomacy is not one of my virtues but I think I handled it well.

Their problem was that some party-makers had been too loud. Crikey, this never stops, right? Haven't we been there before? I told them that the floor in their area is not my concern. That they should take that up with Heaven management, and when they are too busy, there is always a bunch of Archangels that can help them out. Either that or get ipods and crank up the volume when you are listening to your hymns. Okay, that last remark did not go down well, but I already said I am not the diplomatic kind. *groan*

I sort of bribed them to leave then, by giving them a piece of paper that has Mike's phone number on it. Mike knows how to fix things like thin clouds and stuff. I would love to see their face when they try the other number I gave them. When they dial that, they're going to talk to Steve Jobs! Whoahaha!! (Now that is funny!) They can order their ipods directly from him and get a 'heavenly discount' !!! Haha, I kill myself!!

But that was not all the upheaval for the day. After the Witness guys had left, the party-makers came into the office and complained that the Jehovah Witness had come to their turf and complain about noise. Mongols know how to party, and yes, they do get a bit noisy when they get carried away. And to my knowledge there has never been a Mongol at any party that did not get carried away. Either by the booze or by his friends because of the booze.

As a joke and a friendly gesture I asked them why Kublai Khan wasn't with them. That made them laugh. It turned out that it was the wedding anniversary of Kublai, they just couldn't rem

o get beaten up anymore. Good thing the heaven guys don't know about Marcus and his people, they'd come here and absolve them, taking them away. And I can't have that. I need them here!

Today I also started a search for a section where tormenting takes place without any additional tools and stuff, to show to the Ruskis. It is scary to notice how far modernisation has progressed even here! It is absolutely criminal when you try to find a few good old fashioned people who still know the fine arts of manual torture. Nearly every bleeping section I visited depended on tools, torches, electricity and gadgets of similar origin. Ghastly.

Met up with some Germans who had extensive experience in that stuff. They were kind enough to offer me some insight in their 'fine arts' and indeed, they know their stuff. I have made an appointment with them that I will visit them again in a while, bringing a few of the Russians along. Perhaps a spark will jump without setting the whole place on fire. (Haha, that's funny!)

Before the end of the day Ivan the Terrible showed up. He told me that he was still on the case of the oil, that he had not retrieved it yet, but that he had beaten up a guy that had come after him and told that he was looking for the oil as well. Stupid ass, he beat up Anton, I mean Howard. There are days that I have the feeling that I am surrounded by idiots. I am going to bed. Alone. Drat. Not looking forward to tomorrow.

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