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   Chapter 7 November th.

The Devil's Diary By Paul Kater Characters: 7303

Updated: 2018-02-11 12:04

Dear diary.

I had a morning of bliss. Slept in, Maurice left me alone- in fact all Hell left me in peace. Why can't all mornings be like this one... Even if the reason for it is that Heavensoft went bonkers.

In the afternoon Maurice and Beauregard came up to me, while I was hammocking in the yard behind the house. They explained that somewhere a network glitch had happened, causing the entire system to keel over and be dead. I asked them what that had to do with me and couldn't they just unglitch it.

"To that, " I said, "when the system is dead, it is in the right place here!" (Haha, that's funny.) Unfortunately Beau and Maurice did not laugh about it. Well, they did not think it was that funny. They were afraid that lots of things would go wrong, without the network up.

As far as I know nothing went wrong. They got the thing working again, so they probably did take my advice. Unglitching is the way to go, folks.

In the afternoon I was taking a leisurely stroll, when I ran into this guy who was looking a bit lost. So I asked him what he was looking for. He told me he had been at this big white gate where people were agonising like crazy to get it open. He had met a guy wearing a long white dress. (From what he explained it was clear he had met Pete.)

And Pete had asked him what he was looking for also. The guy, Dave, told him he was a dead Pagan. Pete had sent him on over here and intake had pointed him along. Somehow he got sidetracked a bit, but no problem there. I explained to Dave that only good Christian souls go into Heaven.

"So that's true then, there is a god?" Dave asked. I noticed that he got kind of pale with the thought.

Sure. There is the one for the Christians, there are loads of Greek and Roman ones, Egyptian ones, you name it and we got them in the phone book. I have some on speeddial.

He looked a bit unnerved, so I assured him that everything was fine. There are exceptions, of course. Like there is no real Pagan heaven and so they all come here. Same thing goes for Buddhists and the like.

"This, my friend, is the Summerland, as most of you folks call it. Perhaps not the way you expected it to be, but this i

good folks a bible and some really dark sunglasses and guided them along a rope. A nice soft velvet kind of rope. Blagh.

I recognised one of the Heaven guys, Bart, and asked them why they had changed their plan to move the souls only in the dark. They had tried that, but it hadn't worked, he explained. Too many Pagans out on the green at night, doing rituals and pretending it was Beltane every night, lighting big fires and "ehm ...doing what they do with Beltane, you know."

Ha, that made my afternoon complete, you know! I couldn't help sporting a big grin on my face all the way back to the house. When I got home there was a copy of the Hellish News. Some rag that a group of flunked paparazzi are putting together. Usually I don't bother reading it. I did not bother reading it today either.

The excuse for a local newspaper is put together by a bunch of losers under the ehemmm... moral (urgh) guidance of one Buddy Hopkiss. Things can't get worse when these reporters are around.

And now I have to hurry and prepare a few things. Nafaru, my Egyptian princess, is coming over tonight to discuss some things about death rituals. Could become most interesting! Also, the visit to the Pagans today gave me the idea that, when we run out of death rituals, we could move on to the wide range of fertility rituals that are around. Beltane would be a good one to start with. Hah!!

Perhaps I should ask her if she does some kind of sport...

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