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   Chapter 4 November th.

The Devil's Diary By Paul Kater Characters: 10468

Updated: 2018-02-11 12:04


Dear diary.

Remind me not to go to another Asatru party anywhere soon. Woke up this morning to find my head occupying most of the bloody bedroom! It felt as if there was not enough coffee in all Hell to get me going.

Maurice wasn't doing much better, and he got a muscle ache from here to purgatory and back. Too many hammers for him last night, obviously. At least that is something I did not suffer from.

So the day started off very quietly today. Mrs.. Smith, the housekeeper, fed us some ghastly concoction with tomato juice and some other stuff. That helped, in the end. Her snide remarks did not. Perhaps I should really start to adhere to a healthier lifestyle and avoid getting plastered this way. This is the second time this week I woke up with my head in distress.

First good news of the day was that the gear wheel was still operational. It has a squeek when the welds pass the conveyor belt, but as long as they turn up the sound of the screams and the roaring, nobody notices that. Good work, that least will keep Humphrey and the Dud-man out of my hair for now.

Got myself a good dose or orange juice and got to business. And that was hell. (Haha, funny one again.)

First appointment was with a representative of the Christians in Heaven. Actually he did not have an appointment, he just crashed into my office, steaming hot. And that was not because of their section here.

He went off about the Asatru party. What I had been thinking, allowing all that to go on outside, and had I no respect for the people up there.

I was, as you can imagine, totally flabbergasted. This was a party down here, not something for up there. He then explained that the Asatru camp is directly beneath the Christian settlement in Heaven. The clouds that they walk on have gotten a bit thin, so they can look down to what's happening here, and the sound from our end goes up there.

Well, I told him to first take that up with management up there, as it's their floor and not my ceiling, hence not my problem. And they are responsible for soundproofing their bit as well. But he did not take that as enough of an answer. And did not take pity on my head either, for which I hate him. He then handed me a list of signatures from all the Christian souls in Heaven that had been bothered by the sound of the party. Good grief. The fact that they live a mostly soundless life up there does not imply that we have to play dead too! (Haha, that's funny.) The Asatru are a lively bunch and that is fabulous. Not the kind that tip-toe around with the odd harp that's probably out of tune anyway.

Still he demanded that we put a stop to the partying. His ongoing argumentation contained that we should be aware of the fact that it was bringing down all the people who were watching.

Not as long as I run this place, and not even over his dead body. Firstly because he's already dead and secondly because... ehm... I am not going to do it. The fact that they can't handle others having a good time is their problem, not mine. They shouldn't watch what they can't stand, and, as I told him, "if you don't play the game you have no business managing the rules". Hah, that got him.

He then tried to corner me into ending the party around 11 in the evening.

Well, that did it for me. Telling me to put an entertainment curfew on? Stop the fun and games before the "dead" of night? (Haha, that's funny.) So Maurice and I threw him out. He has no business telling me how to organise the schedules around here. To Hell with him. Oh, wait. To Heaven with him. Damn, that always gets me.

As mister "Complaining all over the place" was flying out, Ivan the Terrible came walking in. He had discovered that indeed the shipment of oil, coal and tar had been delivered. Well, I had already gotten that far with one call.

At my asking him where it had been delivered, he shrugged. He had not gotten that far. I am beginning to see why they call him the Terrible...

Well, Ivan left the stage again and I desperately needed some fresh air so I told Maurice I'd be out for the rest of the morning. Or what remained of that.

Should I be so lucky. Beauregard tackled me. About the new software he was hoping to put on the network. Told me the name of the thing. Hell- something or other. Sounded good anyway.

He buried me under an avalanche of tech talk and then asked if it was alright. I first asked for a translation so an ordinary, technically challenged old devil could make heads and tails of it. Which he did. I think. At least he used words that meant something.

In the end I asked him if he was sure that was the way to go, he said 'yes', so I told him to go ahead. As long as the rest of the stuff keeps going. He laughed and said that with Heavensoft things were going bump anyway, so who would notice. Unfortunately he is right, so I'll keep my tridents crossed, so to speak.

Got away from it all after that. Headed over to the green areas and laid my head down for an hour or so. Luckily nobody bothered me there. Getting that nap in the sunshine was a good thing. Should do that more often, also when my head is not entertaining warring tribes.

From there I took the time to make the big roun

ds. It's good to show your face everywhere, once in a while, and that way it's also easier to see if there are option for improvement and expansion. Doesn't happen often these days, but sometimes there is a new race or religion somewhere in the living universe that needs a place to offload their dead souls. I saw some interesting spots this day, I am sure that with the proper actions they could be turned into very hospitable and nice living areas. There is a small list of issues that I have to get resolved though.

1. Tell the Inca's that they should not mess with the colour of the sky. Red is a nice colour, but not everyone appreciates it. I admire their ingenuity on changing the colour but it is not done without asking your neighbours.

2. Get the cooling system under the swimming pool back in order and clean the whole place up. The sports-committee wants to use it, but the way it looks now is rather unpleasant. It's also annoying to jump in and find all the water evaporated, even when you're dead.

3. Give the idea about the motto and billboards another thought. Brainstorm with Maurice. "We have a space for everyone."

4. Check the walls around purgatory for leaks and asbestos. Don't know where the latter may present a problem, but the health inspection board sent a memo on that. Perhaps I should become more selective on the type of people that we bring in.

5. Change the motto to "We have a space for -nearly- everyone"? Right, that should work.

Got a note in from the high-tech folks today, asking for a date when I can come over for a demonstration of their new models and gadgets. I sent them a few possibilities and now am waiting to hear back from them.

In the afternoon the Egyptian princess called (the one I met at the Asatru party) and asked if I wanted to come over for a drink in the evening. Well sure I wanted that, so I headed over to her place.

They really have a nice style in architecture, these Egyptians. It is just mind boggling to get through all these tunnels and corridors before you get to the actual house. Somewhere their architect went wild after designing their pyramids.

It was fun discussing the Egyptian ideas of Hell (they call it Duat) with her. It was a bit of a shock for her to find out that I am just an ordinary guy. Really, the idea that the Egyptians have of this demon called Ammit who eats the hearts of those who have lived a less virtuous life is quite revolting. My drinking habits may be out of bounds occasionally, but I advocate a healthy diet anytime. (Note to self: what will we do with these McDonald's guys when they arrive...)

The Egyptian princess, her name is Nafaru, is a smart cookie. Because she did not really believe all that stuff, she did not have to go through these things. As I said, we have a space for everyone here. Make that "nearly everyone".

For sentimental reasons she had kept a copy of the Egyptian Book of the Dead, from which she read a few spells and texts, but she got bored with that rapidly. So did I, but of course I didn't say so.

She told me the details of her death, which were quite refreshing. Not your average stoning or poisoning or such. She had been drowned by the handmaiden of a man. Nafaru had loved that man and wanted him for herself. Alas, he was married, so she first made up a stiff drink of poison for his wife, getting that hurdle out of the way. That did not prove to be all too successful, so after Nafaru had tried to get him between her sheets several times, she served him up a similar drink, taking him out of her life. There was one problem however. The handmaiden of that man, who had witnessed Nafaru's attempts to get to her master, loved that man herself. So when the handmaiden saw her dead master, she knew who had murdered him. But instead of accusing Nafaru of murder, she somehow got herself into Nafaru's household and worked her way up to be one of the trusted few. Isn't that strength of character? Nafaru herself is impressed by that too, now.

At the moment that she found out the background of the handmaiden she was a bit less dazzled by the events at hand. Especially the part where the handmaiden drowned Nafaru in the bathtub caused some nasty flashbacks in the beginning. But then, she said, I found that life goes on, and I am enjoying myself a lot here.

It was particularly interesting to see Nafaru act out the last moments of her actual death. For reality's sake she had even taken off her clothes and that was a sight that I would not have missed for the world! (Easy enough, as I already have the world as a supplier, haha.)

Things got really interesting when she invited me to take off my clothes and partially enact the role of the handmaiden that had proven to be fatal to her. And then one thing led to another, and that is how I found out that Egyptian beds can be quite comfortable. Damn, that Nafaru woman is hot stuff! (Haha, and that is not only funny.)

As I left there I invited her for a return visit, and she said she'd really like that.

She actually said that she would love to see the place where such a handsome devil lives. Ha, yep, that's me! Let's see what bits and pieces we can re-enact when she's over...

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