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   Chapter 16 No.16

There Will Be Walrus First Volume V By CamestrosFelapton Characters: 5280

Updated: 2017-12-27 12:02

A black wrapped processed cheese addressed a black-rinded artisanal cheese in the black darkness on the dark mountain. "What is the news? And has anybody got some sort illumination? I can't see a bloody thing around here."

The artisanal cheese shrugged indifferently – a shrug which was distinctly different from the shrug he used when he was not trying to show indifference. "I thought it unwise to intrude on the city of Man (and by 'man' I mean the generic sense which applies to both sexes of human) what with it being so dark and all and what with mountains getting great big bloody clefts in them. What's the world coming to, I ask you?"

"Who, then, will go into the city?" asked the processed cheese.

"Not I." said the ball of Edam I had mentioned earlier.

"Me neither." said a sad tub of grated Parmesan

"Not bloody likely." said a half eaten tub of Greek yogurt.

Double-Gloucester turned to Monterrey-Jack "Nor you nor I shall enter the empty city, and discover the cause of this mystery, shall we not? For we are in awe of Man and have always been his foes and inclined to inflict indigestion upon him – and I'm referring specifically to 'man' in the gendered sense for verily I am want to only make the digestive tract of men an unholy ruin because I am one of those feminist cheeses that Timothy the talking cat is always moaning about"

"That is true – she is!" said Timothy the talking cat "and I'm tired of your man-hate!"

"Be quiet Timothy!" spoke the distinguished Stilton " you are derailing the whole discussion"

"Well Double-Gloucester st

d] Which one is Jethro again?

[First Officer Nora Nuggets] Our pilot. The one from Mars.

[CaptainJim Ford] Right. Similar names always confuse me. Now where was I? Oh yeah.

Calling all ships, asteroid stations and planetary settlements. This is Jack Ford of the unaligned spaceship Sanchopanza. I am hailing you on all frequencies with an important message. There is vital information that the governments of Earth, Mars and the Asteroid Belt do NOT want you to hear! [clears throat] (ahem)In The Force Awakens, Kylo Ren is Han Solo's son and Ren kills Han! Also Rey is a Jedi and Luke Skywalker doesn't say anything in the whole movie. What's that all about?

[First Officer Nora Nuggets] [hits the very visible 'Off' switch] For christsakes Jim! We agreed you were going to tell people about the conspiracy by a giant multi-planetary corporation to turn everybody into fungus monsters and force a war between Earth and Mars as all part of a secret plan to hide the fact that an alien intelligence has been manipulating mankind for decades!

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