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   Chapter 13 No.13

There Will Be Walrus First Volume V By CamestrosFelapton Characters: 6201

Updated: 2017-12-27 12:02

"if tyranny has a face, " thought Mikhail, "then it is clad in a red onesie."

Finally, Mikhail found an office staffed by a person with a "admissions officer" pinned to a red sash that they wore over a shabby suit. Under the suit the person was wearing the trademark red onesie of the People's Social Revolutionary Justice Party. Mikhail did not let this dishearten him. H had known he would have to face a degree of bureaucracy today and it was no surprise to find that a mindless university pen-pusher was aligning themselves with the PSRJP.

"Good morning comrade citizen. Welcome to the People's New Kalamazoo University of Engineering and Social Justice. What course would you like to enrol in?" asked the red-fabric glad bureaucrat.

"Engineering, please." answered Mikhail.

"Sorry but that isn't possible." replied the bureaucrat disdainfully.

"But I have all the required grades! Indeed I have exceeded all the entry requirements for the course!" said Mikhail exasperatedly.

"There are no required grades any more comrade citizen. All courses are open to all comrade citizens regardless of discredited bourgeois notions of 'grades' or 'intelligence.' explained the admissions officer.

"Then sign me up for engineering!" exclaimed Mikhail.

"That is not possible comrade citizen. The only courses open are Revolutionary Poetic Studies or Studies of Revolutionary Literature. You strike me more as the Studies of Revolutionary Literature type. I'll put you down for that, shall I?" said the admissions officer helpfully.

"No! I came here to learn to be a heroic engineer, to be the kind of man who could be stranded on Venus and rescue himself with nothing but a foil bag of peanuts and 1967 Morris Minor." asserted Mikhail.

"I don't like your attitude comrade citizen. Your aggression oppresses me. For that I am assigning you


"So, Uncle, Pop said you have an amazing mission planned. Tell me all about it!" said Mikhail, his eyes bright with dreams of space adventure.

"You are one lucky young man!" enthused Uncle Jubal, "I am planning on making a run to Beta-Carotene 3. We'll take much needed supplies to a human colony but with clever planning we will be way ahead of all the competition!"

"Aren't you afraid of space-pirates Uncle?" asked Mikhail.

"Well the economists say that as a system interstellar trade is an economic absurdity then it naturally follows that there can be no profit in a system of interstellar piracy and hence without any substantial financial motive there is no endemic piracy at all. Now factor in the huge vastness of space and the impossibility of one spaceship finding another AND that if it did it would be expensive and difficult physically for one space ship to change course and intercept another AND that an approaching spaceship would have no effective way of sneaking up another, then apparently, space piracy is an all round physical, economical and practical absurdity. But I don't let those eggheads confuse me, my lad. We may well run into space pirates and hence I keep a handy revolver under my bed."

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