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   Chapter 6 No.6

There Will Be Walrus First Volume V By CamestrosFelapton Characters: 5736

Updated: 2017-12-27 12:01


They will also try to isolate you and cut you off from access to any relevant authority, to the media, and to passing postal workers, the better to spin the Squirrel Hegemonic Narrative without your interference. This is why it is vital that you do not agree to any confidentiality agreements from squirrel lawyers or consent to keep your mouth shut while the Squirrel-driven "stolen nut-cache investigation" is proceeding.

3. Do not apologise to squirrels.

The third thing to remember when undergoing an Squirrel-attack is to never apologise for anything you have done. I repeat: do not apologise. Do not say you are sorry if anyone's feelings were hurt, do not express regret, remorse, or contrition for replacing their total winter supplies with your own fecal matter, do not say anything that can be taken as an apology in any way. Just in case I am not being sufficiently clear, do not apologise to squirrels!

Normal creatures such as cats, or even lame-brain dogs, seek apologies because they want to know that you feel bad about what you happened to their food and that you will at least attempt to avoid doing a poo there again in the future. When squirrels push you for an apology (after pointing-and-squeaking at you) they are seeking a confession to bolster their attack on your good name. They are like the police on a cop show, with a suspect in the interview room, badgering him to confess to the crime. Yup, lets be clear about this: BADGERS ARE INVOLVED AS WELL. And like all too many fellow predators these days, badgers don't really care if you did it or not, they're just looking for a confession. Badgers are essentially traitors to the fraternity of predators. Weasels get a bad rep but trus

lly minded blog.

The squirrels will pull out all the stops to hide their squirrelly actions in order to evade public criticism, and in some of the more egregious cases, ridicule. By forcing them to show their paws in public, you allow others to see and understand what they are really up to. Point at the tree and shout out to anyone who can hear you: "Look, look, look at the stupid squirrels trying to force upon us the Squirrel Hegemonic Narrative." Sure you will get some odd looks and people making false claims about your health but it might strengthen your negotiating position and it will also help prevent the squirrels from blithely repeating the process against you or someone other unwitting cat in the future.

Whatever you do, do not agree to any gag orders, vet visits or sign any confidentiality agreements that will limit your ability to use the documentation you have acquired to prevent them from spinning a Squirrel Hegemonic Narrative about what happened. Squirrels rely on SECRECY, and once they know you have their actions documented, they will try very hard to tie your paws and force you into a little metal cage.

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