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   Chapter 23 No.23

McEdifice Returns By CamestrosFelapton Characters: 6064

Updated: 2017-12-27 12:02


"OK here we go!" said Popwhistle with the forced enthusiasm of the PowerPoint presenter.

Slide 1: Operation McEdifice – A Presentation by Simon Powhistle Prince of Darkness Scion of Demonicus and Second in Line to the Throne of the Space Vampires and Head of the Project-Initiation Gantt Chart Oversight Enabling Team.

"I have seen the face of evil, " murmmured Commander Clench.

"So we'll just skip ahead past the title slide." said Popwhistle.

Slide 2: Mission objectives.

? Neutralise McEdifice as a threat to the Space Vampires

? Provide emotional and moral support to our queen

? Control a key military asset to imporve professional development opportunities for staff

Slide 3: Mission approach

? Offer peace treaty in exchange for McEdifice

? Once we get him break the peace treaty

"You traitorous bastards!" growled Commander Clench.

"Never trust a Space Vampire!" said McEdifice.

"Do we really have to look at all these slides." asked Besty.

"Just one more!" said Popwhistle, "then it is screenshots of the Gantt charts."

Popwhistle read the text of the slide outloud and slowly.

"We hire a gang of thugs to harass McEdifice in his home, kill his donkey and sabotage his bicycle. Meanwhile we stage a war leading to mass troop mobilisation. Trick McEdifice into joining the space army which will get him onto planet Campus. Campus currently occupies the exact voxel of space that Earth occupied in the 1960s. We trap McEdifice on Campus by demobilising the army but ensure he doesn't have a return flight by cancelling his ticket.

We then occupy the planet later. We capture McEdifice, force him into the mouth of a giant space vampire head. This will trap him in the 1960s where he will be surrounded by peace loving hippies.

Space time trauma + hippies =

" said Qzrrzxxzq, "ScanScan used his interdimensional transport powers to place a neutrino-implosion bomb in the planet's core. If you don't let McEdifice go, we'll blow up the whole planet."

"Tehcnically blow in the whole planet, " corrected Popwhistle.

McEdifice bowed his head as if in deep thought. So at long last, it had come to this. A final opportunity to destroy the space vampires forever but at what cost? His friends, Qzrrzxxzq, ScanScan and Noz would have to give their lives for his.

"Stand down Qzrrzxxzq." said McEdifice, quitely but firmly.

"You don't have to do this McEdifice!" said Qzrrzxxzq.

"You are wrong, Qzrrzxxzq. Blowing up this planet would be mass murder. Even threatening to do so makes us as bad as them. And hasn't there been enough sacrifice already? I owe this to Betsy. She is right – our marriage vows ARE sacred and she has been there for me through thick and thin. If she needs me to be the Space Vampire King then that's what I need to do. Maybe I can use my position to sway the Space Vampire Empire towards goodness. Who knows. But I have to stand for integrity and I, Chiseled McEdifice made a promise to love and honour Betsy Darshadow come what may."

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