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   Chapter 13 No.13

McEdifice Returns By CamestrosFelapton Characters: 5208

Updated: 2017-12-27 12:02


[Noises of heavy footfalls.]

Greetings and welcome to our SPOOKTACULAR tale of horror! I am your second reserve host Susan Yes-Actually-I-Am-A-Giant-Reptile-Monster Triceratops and the mammal sulking into his giant beer mug of Pumpkin-Spice Latvian Porter is Camestros 'Doesn't Get the Horror Genre' Felapton. The spooky sounds of scratching at the door are from our sound effect expert Straw 'Inconsistent Backstory' Puppy and the moans of terror from behind a locked door are from our director of spooky ambience Timothy 'Scared of his Own Shadow' Cat.

Secret Floor 6! Abandoned out of a deep seated fear by its builders! 'Superstition!' said the directors and yet none of the board dared set foot on the hidden floor. Oh the rational mind might scoff and scorn at the traditions of the ancient people of Brutalon but to stand on this forbidden floor and to see the hexagonal tiles marching across a flat surface was enough for any sentient creature to feel the warning tingle at the base of their vestigial feathers (or whatever it is that mammals have – skin bumps? Seriously? Your clammy skin goes all bumpy? Ewww – you guys all get that mammals are disgusting right? NO – do NOT explain to me again where milk comes from. Why can't you just vomit up predigested food to your young like any decent type of animal?)

Anyway, whatever kind of glands or secretions the humans might have that respond to fear they did whatever they do IF they went to hidden floor 6 (oh shut up and drink your beer – we KNOW already that it was actually floor 5).

"I

ared out of the window of the SIXTH floor (as anybody with any kind of common sense would call it).

"Oh no, " she said in a weak and pathetic voice, "It is getting all dark and because I'm not smart and clever and SUPER BRAVE like, for example, dogs are, I'm now all scared."

"Never fear, " said manly McEdifice exuding his machismo and male charisma like pheromones made out of pure testosterone fueled manhood, "That's a Space Vampire standard trick. They use inter-orbital sunlight cullenders to reduce sunlight levels to a point where the can move about safely but without disrupting the whole planetary ecosystem."

"I'm scared!" said Qzrrzxxzq because obviously space vampires are scary. I've explained this already and if you don't think space vampires are scary that's because you are just stupid. Now if we had a dog in this scenario they would be scared BUT also brave and they would bark and bark and bark because that is the brave thing to do when something is different and you don't know why. Bark, bark, bark, bark.

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