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   Chapter 4 No.4

McEdifice Returns By CamestrosFelapton Characters: 5622

Updated: 2017-12-27 12:02


"Um, sure. Will do!" said Noz who then began brushing the drill yard in a different direction.

Just then Chuckowitz tripped over his own broom and fell sprawling onto the yard. McEdifice dropped his broom and went over to help.

"Stop right there McEdifice!" It was Drill Sergeant Ernie who had briefly returned to check on the recruits.

"Ow! I hurt my ankle!" said Chuckowitz.

"One of our men is down, " growled McEdifice, "and that means we help them. That's the Space Marine code."

"Yeah, well you aren't in the Marines any longer old-timer. The only code on this drill yard is the code of do whatever I say when I say it!" Drill Sergeant Ernie leaned right into McEdifice's face which was partly obscured by his space helmet.

"I'm not one to disobey the chain of command, " said McEdifice, which was strictly not true because McEdifice is a maverick who GETS SHIT DONE and knows when to break the rules but was true in principle I guess.

"Ha, I knew you were just a scared little mouse, " sneered Ernie, "too lilly-livered" he added poking McEdifice in the chest, "and soft-hearted, " poking again, "and too much of a wishy-washy, namby-pamby, Navy-boy to stand up for yourself." On each word, he poked McEdifice in the chest some more.

"Did you, Sir, just insult the Intergalactic Space Navy, Sir?" asked McEdifice in a voice that was both respectful and yet full of charged menace.

"Yeah, I insulted the gruddam, no-good, culottes wearing, up-itself Intergalactic Space Navy and you, recruit, are going to stand there and take it." growled Drill Sergeant Ernie with a mocking grin.

"Really? Am I? Because regulation 12.12a.iic of the Intergalactic Uniform Code specifically states that insults pursuant to one service in relation to another service of the combined defence forces of the peoples of the galaxy and beyond must be resolved by the relevant complainants and parties according to the method of TRIAL BY COMBAT and according to the honoured tradition of the GENTLEMANLY DUEL." said McEdifice barrack-room-lawyerly.

"What? You insubordinate little shit! I'll see you placed in the brig for that!" howled an enraged Ernie.

"STAND DOWN SERGEANT!" gasp! It was General O'Fiercegaiters! "I heard the whole thing and the recruit here is quite correct. You crossed a line sergeant, insulting another arm of the United Intergalactic Defence Forces. The recruit is quite within their rights to demand restitution from you."

"But…but…this is Chisled McEdifice! He's a stone-cold killer trained in multiple forms of unarmed, partially armed and fully armed combat! He'll murdelize me!" squealed Drill Sergeant Ernie.

"Not at all! This will be a gentlemanly bout of boxing following Space Marquis of Space Queensbury rules, " explained General O'Fiercegaiters, "let'

s say oh-six-hundred hours tomorrow morning, at the old boxing rink out by the spooky forest."

"Oh, I love the spooky forest!" said Noz.

"That's the spirit!" said the general, "This match will be good for morale!"

McEdifice said nothing but smiled inwardly – he knew this was the perfect opportunity to expose Drill Sergeant Ernie as the Space Vampire that he probably was, but it would take all night for him to prepare.

"Oh, it is spam fritters for tea tonight!" said Pumpwhistle, changing the subject.

"Nooooooo!!!!!!" cried McEdifice.

[Post Chapter Notes]

Hi Timothy here, your loveable author and editor providing some additional notes not unlike the commentary track on a DVD which nobody ever listens to and which were probably only ever added because that was supposed to be the big selling point of DVDs - not that anybody buys DVDs these days, it is all streaming this and nitflex that.

Some observant readers have noted that this chapter mentions a character called 'Pumpwhistle' whose name is not unlike that of a later character called 'Popwhistle'. They have speculated whether these are actually the SAME character! The answer is no, they are different. The big clue is that their names are different. If there was a character called Smith and a character called Smythe would you go "oh they've got to be the same person because their names are a bit alike'? No. Would you do that in real life? No, don't be daft.

McEdifice Returns: Chapter 7 (+/- 1)

McEdifice Returns brought to you Timothy the Talking Cat, "cleans with a fresh aroma", and Straw Puppy, "the miracle flour improver that will make your smile sparkle".

Lights out was at 2100 hours. McEdifice made a stealthy exit from the barracks and then, using his cat like agility, he slip in through an open skylight into the Planetary Combat Services Support Storage Unit. McEdifice checked his chronometer. He had arranged with Trainee Chuckowitz to meet at the old boxing rink in exactly one hour. McEdifice would bring the supplies and Chuckowitz would help install the equipment in the right locations. Tomorrow, McEdifice would be fighting Drill Sergeant Ernie and if McEdifice was right then he'd be fighting not a mortal soldier but a fiendish, blood-sucking space vampire.

McEdifice would always fight fair but when it came to space vampires "fighting fair" meant bringing some substantial ordinance.

With a large wheelbarrow of equipment, McEdifice set off from the PCSS-SU and and hiked up the trail through the old spooky forest. It was quiet, too quiet. Also it was dark, too dark. And the road was rocky, too rocky and McEdifice wasn't wearing any shoes. Luckily McEdifice had tough soles and a tough soul – tough enough to endure the dark, the quiet and the sharp stones on his feet.

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