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   Chapter 7 Spandex Spacesuit

The Life, Death and Life of Amelia Hollow By EJBowman Characters: 21173

Updated: 2017-12-27 12:04


Captain (C)

First Officer (FO)

Chief of Science Officer (CSO)

Chief of Engineering Officer (CEO)

Chief of Tactics Officer (CTO)


Male (M)

Female (F)

Hermaphrodite (H)

Not Applicable (NA)

Primitive, opinionated? Is their information recorded on humans from Neanderthal times?

"What the hell?" I turned the tablet around and showed Dr. Cooper. He was the one who had given me the list of dub crews. I was going to give the USM the benefit of the doubt and presume the actual version of the list had gotten lost in translation. There had to be a better word than 'opinionated' to describe moi.

Dr. Cooper stepped away from the counter and looked closely at the list. He raised his eyebrows when he saw the information provided on me and shrugged. "The 'primitive' thing is because humans are considered underdeveloped compared to other civilizations the USM deal with. Also, it is considered a 'primitive trait' to have five fingers instead of four for some reason; not your fault that one." He joked. We couldn't control how fast we evolved. "This is the first year they are accepting minorities from second-class planets to be trained as the top officers which is why the notes seem to be biased about all the cadets." He explained. "I'm not sure why they said opinionated… maybe it's a typo."

"Yeah, it better be. Do I seem opinionated to you?"

"Err… no. I don't think so." He lied. His poker face was atrocious. "But the USM is just going off what Dr. Hernandez told them about you."

That biatch! I thought. Of course she would badmouth about me to the USM.

"And what's with the 'Hey-name' column?" I asked, pointing at where it said 'Am' was my Hey-name.

Dr. Cooper smiled. He knew lots on the subject.

"Well, " he began smugly, "Mel is the ruler of the United Systems of Mel… Well obviously she is. So she was raised by Destin-Hey monks and out of respect of them, the USM shortened all names to one syllable because Hey-monks don't pronounce more than one syllable for each word in their language. I know your name is pronounced A-me-li-a and not Am-e-li-a, but Hey-names work weirdly."

I nodded even something still bothered me. "Wait, I thought Mel was born before time itself so how did the Hey-monks raise her?"

Blake looked up in thought for a moment. "She was born right before time started. Some say she was the cause of the big bang. And the Destin-Hey monks found her body shortly after time started when they were still evolving. They raised her as she raised them. They were the first species in the universe and they evolved into humanoid monkey things in a mere day because they were so advanced. They could see the future so they knew what they had to do to survive. They also made the first spaceship."

"How do you know all this?" I asked curiously.

"I have a minor degree in the history of the USM."


The first week at Darwin Enterprises had passed by swiftly. Between the constant fitness and nutrition tests run on my body I was getting exhausted. Today was more of a slow day, the day before I had had my first –and hopefully last– press conference. I was fine with public speaking, but not when reporters were asking me the most imprudent questions. One of them asked if I liked Sweden, Germany or the USA more, another asked if my body would be buried in space or not, and the greatest question of all came from a random temp who was hastily fired right after he said the final word. – He asked if I was single.

That madness was all over now. It was Wednesday and I was finally getting to try on my whole uniform. The hardest part was getting on the 'body-glove' under layer. I supposedly had to wear it because it would help my body deal with constant changes in gravitational pull and air pressure. Most life forms had evolved in very similar habitats. The USM had a 'standard' artificial environment built into all of their space stations that would support all aliens. The only problem was the gravity was pulling me to the core of Starside quicker than it would on Earth. Instead being pulled to the core of Starside at 9.8 m/s2 I was getting pulled at 15.05m/s2. Small difference? Yes, but the long term affect was very bad. If it wasn't for the nylon-thin body glove I was wearing then I probably wouldn't last very long. Oh yes, and it was compulsorily to wear a body-glove when we were floating around in space unless we wanted to die in the vacuum of space so that made sense. The body glove was made of an extra-terrestrial fabric Dr. Cooper just couldn't get his head around. – It was so thin yet so strong.

The poor scientist was actually supposed to help me put on the freaking thing for the first time, but he had a strange fear of women's body parts so I just made him turn around and put it on myself. Sure, the man could discuss the reproductive system of an alien for hours, yet when it came to Earth women his face went red like a tomato.

The body-glove came in two pieces: one top-half and one bottom. It was hard to get the thin neckline over my head even though somehow I managed. The undergarments covered every part of my body excluding my head only. No underwear or bras needed be worn under it seeing as it was both. The top and bottom halves met in the middle at my waist where the top half overlapped the bottom which went all the way to my stomach. It covered my fingers in toes in the black fabric, yet it perfectly outlined my fingernails. The USM tailors were clever when they made my suit; certain areas had thick padding stitched in meaning the body-glove was more modest than it could be. It also meant Dr. Cooper could look at me without blushing.

"Is it comfortable?" He asked as he looked at the required checklist on his tablet.

I gave it a quick test out by flipping backwards before landing with the splits. It was so unrestrained it was almost impossible to tell if it was there.

"Yeah." I stood back up and took a seat on the counter. "So do I have to wear it all the time?"

The door slid open. "Yes." Dr. Hernandez said coldly as came in and took the tablet off Dr. Cooper. "Except for when you are in the regeneration chamber, then you must remove it. You could only last a good month in at Starside without the suit on before your muscles started straining and your bo

ckly had to get it all back out again and call in Merissa to be my trainer. Merissa was not a part of Darwin Enterprises. For the past four year she had been back and forth between Earth and Mars teaching astronauts how to survive the conditions on Mars. Earlier in the week she had explained to me how she intended to be the first woman on Mercury. I wasn't in a place to judge seeing I was about to be the first full-blooded human to join an alien navy.

"Right." Merissa clapped her hands together. "So we've got to check how this suit affects your agility and speed." She pointed to the air conditioning vent up on the roof. "We're cooling this room down to simulate the environment of Starside. That is, unless you want to get all sweaty and forever have a stinky uniform." She grinned at her own joke.

She was right, it was cold. My breath was almost visible as I exhaled through my mouth. I almost wished the uniform required some sort of ski mask, the tip of my nose and ears were going numb. I did not understand how Merissa didn't have a jacket on. Then again, she was from Vermont and was used to the cold. I was wondering if Shea could handle the cold, but after becoming a cyborg she lost most feeling in her remaining limbs. The sleeves of her lab coat were rolled up. Her left arm had Goosebumps rising on it. She took no notice as she used her robotic right arm to work on her iPad. Poor woman, it makes you wonder what could have happened that damaged her body so severely… Wait, why am I feeling bad for her?

The course I was going on was like the badass version of a child's playground mixed with a conveyer belt and an army crawl course. I basically had to make it to the other side while the floor moved against me on the crawl course. I'm not exactly sure when a situation like this would ever come up in the USM Navy unless they chose to conveniently send me to a planet made entirely out of conveyer belts and playground equipment. I totally kicked ass on it, though. I beat my time from my original test from earlier when I was in normal fitness gear. I'm pretty sure I beat Merissa's time as well though she wasn't going to tell me that.

Every part of the uniform was perfect. Even though my hands were covered by the black glove, I actually had better grip when it came to the monkey bars because of the special grip padding on the palm and fingers. It was strange how all D.E. did was send my measurements to the USM and the tailors could work it out perfectly just off the holographic version of me. It had to be hard to make every single uniform unique due to the variety in alien species. Hell, it had to be awful repairing and remaking all the uniforms. And I was going to be one of those cadets who conveniently misplaced my beret every other day and they would have the pleasure of making me a new one. C'mon, what enemy would be scared of a dorky white girl in an even whiter beret?

That's a good question, who the heck is the USM defending the galaxy from anyways? Earth was so wrapped up in its own measly little conflicts that we had somehow forgotten to ask what we were up against when it came to the battles in space. All I knew was that the USM was usually up against someone big. From what Cameron Vis Homen told me; the leader was a neurotic woman who had it out for Mel. Apparently she had seen into space and time and wanted to change her future by killing Mel before Mel killed her. Random? Yes, but that Tamarax lady had killed a heck of a lot of USM soldiers to get her way so therapy was not an option for her anymore. My brother had never seen her before even though he had seen her henchmen and all he had to say about them was "they are huge."

Wearing the uniform was making everything all too real. I'd become incredibly sick of being on Earth and was ready to get over to Starside and kick ass. Sure, training to be a first officer was going to be difficult, but if Riker could do it then so could I. The main concern for me was how good the rest of the dub crew: Galle was because their performance would reflect my command skills. My dub crew's captain seemed to have interesting notes though… Did it say he was a sexist polygamist?

Oh shit, I'm screwed.

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